An essay - Any suggestions would be much appreciated

[Majeed96]

Hello all!

How you doing?

I just wrote a 45 minute essay and would really appreciate it if you could give me a feedback.


Despite advances in medicine there are concerns that certain diseases such as diabetes are increasing and some people believe future generations will face greater problems with health and die younger than we do today. What is your opinion?

Over the last few decades, medicine and its technologies have developed enormously that it has saved millions of lives. Still, these developments hasn’t shown to be sufficiently effective on certain diseases such as diabetes. While some people argue that medicine will not be able to stop the prevalence of such diseases, even with highest and most innovate technologies, I, on the other hand, argue that medicine in the future will actually increase the life span of our species and will also assist in maintaining a healthier communities by utilizing the technological advancements in medicine, and also by the ecofriendly products we will have at that time.

Ten years ago, we did not obtain the technologies that nowadays hospitals are operating with, nor we are having these days, what we will be having in the next few years; developments and innovation in medicine is surging rapidly. In return, this skyrocketing progression in medicine development will naturally help in enhancing the life expectancy of the humans, by utilizing these technologies so it can hopefully prevent incurable diseases to occur in the first place, or even cure it when it to happen.

It is scientifically proven that the toxic gases in the air are a trigger for many diseases to occur. With this vast interest and rapid development in eco-friendly products these days, it becomes easier to forecast a one hundred percent healthier environment; hence, less diseases. In other words, in few years to come, the atmosphere will not only be purer, but also will decrease the prevalence of diseases in the air.

In conclusion, and thanks to technology in medicine and otherwise, I argue not only for a world with longer life span and cleaner atmosphere, but also for a less diseased and healthier world.

[Johnson zhang]

Despite advances in medicine there are concerns that certain diseases such as diabetes are increasing and some people believe future generations will face greater problems with health and die younger than we do today. What is your opinion?

Over the last few decades, medicine and its technologies（medicine and medicine's technologies?) have developed enormously medicine developed ? that it It? has saved millions of lives. Still, these developments hasn’t shown to be sufficiently effective on certain diseases such as diabetes. While some people argue that medicine will not be able to stop the prevalence of such diseases, even with highest and most innovate technologies, I, on the other hand, argue that medicine in the future will actually increase the life span of our species and will also assist in maintaining a healthier communities by utilizing the technological advancements in medicine, and also by the ecofriendly products we will have at that time.

I stopped checking after the first sentence. so much is being packed into one paragraph. You showed no proper handling of difficult words. good luck.

Let me borrow this question.

Despite advances in medicine there are concerns that certain diseases such as diabetes are increasing and some people believe future generations will face greater problems with health and die younger than we do today. What is your opinion?

Medical care has been improved enormously, however common health problems like obesity are not trending down somehow. This is a problem we face today and has led some people to believe the general public's health states are due to become worse. My opinion is that medical science will keep more people live longer than ever but many of us are infected with worse living habits than ever; a probable poorer health.