IELTS GT Writing Task 2 - Pls Comment on my essay attempt 4

[charles205]

Some people think that environmental problems are too bi for individuals to solve. Others, however believe individuals can also do something to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, world is facing different environmental challenges. Due to the mammoth scale of some of these problems, many people believe nothing can be done while others think these issues can be tackled to some extent, at individual levels. This essay will analyze both these view points before drawing a personal opinion.

It is certainly true that, problems like rising levels of sea water and super-scale solar storms leave little or no room for humans to take corrective measures. For example, Sun can produce massive solar waves which might shutdown the whole communication system on earth with in a fraction of a second. Further, it can destroy the Ozone layer and put life on earth in extreme danger. These scenarios are of super scale where individuals have nothing to do. This clearly shows why many people are of the opinion that environment can create problems where we are not capable of finding solution to.

However, there are some prolonged natural problems where most people can take action to rectify. A good example is the air pollution. At cities, especially where the density of toxic gasses in the atmosphere is high, the trending use of electric and hybrid vehicles seems to have produced positive results. Last but not the least, if people can cultivate trees at their own lands, it will greatly help to improve the air condition. As this proves, there are significant amount of actions which can be taken by each of us in solving several ecological imbalances which are more relevant and frequent.

In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of this argument, it is felt, though there are some extreme situations where we have no control, still we have plenty of issues to be handled by our own.

[charles205]

Hi guys,
Please check my essay and suggest improvements. Please estimate the band it should get !

[saqibali]

I will encourage you to rephrase this essay.You can not imagine how much you will improve automatically

[charles205]

others pls comment and evaluate. what will be the band this should be given ?

[Piazzi]

Based on band descriptions given by IELTS facilities, I will try to rate your essay as part of my own study on the writting section. (keep in mind that I am not a native speaker)

So, lets analyze the fulfillment of each item:

Task response:
Your essay adresses all parts of the task, however, some conclusions seems unclear, what is a characteristc of band 6

Coherence and cohesion:
Your paragraphs have a central topic, and you have a good range of cohesive devices which were not used mechanically. You got a 7

Lexical resource:
You used an adequate vocabulary for the task and attempeted to use some less common words as 'mammoth", however, sometimes they sounded awkward. 6 in this item

Grammatical range and accuracy:
Your grammar seems fine! However, you did not tried to use complex structures, what reduces some marks...6.5 here.

To summarize:

(6+7+6+6.5):4= 6.375! which is near 6.5!

As a personnal opinion, I like your straight-foward style, but you could reach a better band with a stronger conclusion.

Cheers

[charles205]

Hi Piazzi,
Thanks a lot, what I expected is something above 7. Anyway I really appreciate your objective judgement.

[charles205]

Hi Piazzi,
Havn't u seen the complex and compound sentences here?