Could you please help me for the next week IELTS exam?

[Kate_]

Could you please mark my following essay on the topic in CAM 7? I'm about to take IELTS exam next week, so I really need your comments. Thank you very much!

Topic:
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The developing world has caused a lot of changes in people's thoughts, one of which is about how to become an athlete or a musician. It is generally believed that sport persons or musicians are born with certain talents, but it is sometimes claimed that they can be taught through training. This essay will discuss both of these views before giving out an opinion.

On the one hand, many believe that only sport and music prodigies will become athletes and musicians. It is stated that sport or music is special field with unique requirements that only geniuses can satisfy. Those requirements could be creativity for musicians and innately flexible body for sport people. This claim is true in some cases, such as the famous composer Mozart, who was born by a composer and had his first music composition when he was five years old. The artistic spirit he inherited from his father and the first early success in composing career are well believed to form his talent. It is therefore understandable why this viewpoint has garnered support.

On the other hand, many people advocate the notion that children can be taught to become good athletes and musicians. The evidence can be traces by the social belief that practice makes perfect and by the development of modern facilities which help improve the physical education quality and thus trained athletes as well as musicians can meet the special requirements in their fields. A notable example to illustrate this viewpoint can be seen by looking at the old 85 year-old man who won the Indian running championship in 2000. He is known for consistent practice for nearly 20 years after retirement with the sport passion that continued from his young age. This example shows clearly that successful athletes can be trained, and therefore it is easy to see why some people have faith in taught sport persons and musicians.

Following this look at the varying opinions regarding this debate, it is felt that children can become athletes or musicians by practice and that with the help of modern technology, the well trained children can achieve successes in their careers. It is hoped that technology in the future can be more developed to help children with passions for sport or music reach their dreams.

[Kate_]

Can somebody help me please?
Thank you a lot

[Aadbir Singh]

Very nice well aranged
Surely 7 bands

[Kate_]

Thank you very much!
I will try my best!

[flor92]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY WRITING ON THE SAME TOPIC?

Most people think that everyone is born with a specific talent for sport, art, music and so on. This implies that common people could not work hard in order to achieve success in one of these fields. However Other people argue that it is vital for children to be taught in any practical field or any area of knowledge. Indeed, they focus their attention on education.
To start, it is commonly believed that destiny wrote our story when nature gives us a unique skill. According to this, It is very simple for people who can make very complex calculates in mind to graduate in math, similarly it is easygoing for tall and willowy people to play basketball. Nevertheless talent is not a static virtue, but it needs a daily training. In the opposite way , a famous quotation says that “Hard work beats talent, when talent forgets to work hard”. The previous sentence explains that talent is not all, indeed talented people need to improve their quality and they also should invest their energy in order to do their best. Like a plant that needs to be watered every day, similarly talent requires a daily and constant care. In this regard, education plays a fundamental role in teaching children in order to develop their skills. Schools should provide in their timetable a wide range of subjects that regards not only theoretical area but also practical field. Indeed, it is vital, especially for younger, to express any hidden talent.
To sum up, even if renowned genius like Mozart or Leonardo appeared once in a blue moon, everyone should have the chance to share their feelings through music or art. Sport, music, literature, art are mainly hobby who enrich our souls and lastly they are means to become a musician or a sports person.

[Flick]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY WRITING ON THE SAME TOPIC?

Most people think that everyone is born with a specific talent for sport, art, music and so on. This implies that some people do not have to work hard in order to achieve success in one of these fields. However, other people argue that it is vital for children to be taught in any practical field or any area of knowledge. Indeed, they focus their attention on education.

To start, it is commonly believed that destiny wrote our story when nature gives us a unique skill. According to this, it is very simple for people who can make very complex calculations in mind to graduate in math. Similarly, it is easy for tall and willowy people to play basketball. Nevertheless, talent is not a static virtue, but it needs daily training.

In the opposite way, a famous quotation says that “Hard work beats talent, when talent forgets to work hard”. This sentence explains that talent is not everything. Indeed, talented people need to improve their quality and they also should invest their energy in order to do their best. Like a plant that needs to be watered every day, similarly talent requires daily and constant care. In this regard, education plays a fundamental role in teaching children in order to develop their skills. Schools should provide a wide range of subjects that cover not only theoretical areas but also practical fields. Indeed, it is vital, especially for younger perople, to express any hidden talent.

To sum up, even if renowned geniuses like Mozart or Leonardo Da Vinci appeared once in a blue moon, everyone should have the chance to share their feelings through music or art. Sport, music, literature, and art are mainly hobbies which enrich our souls and lastly they are means to become a musician or a sports person.

[flor92]

Thank you for your kindness!!!