older/Younger employees Ac/Task-2

[bilak]

Hi guys im gonna take IELTS Dec 4. I hope u ll correct me and give some tips. Thx

Some people believes that older employees are useful for a company but other believes that modern younger employees are useful. Give your opinion

These days, the business life has been involving to our lives on a daily basis and which may requires dynamicity and/or experience. It usually depends on the type of business. As well as both side have drawbacks and profits.

First of all, people may consider that modern younger employees are more useful than the older ones and indicates perspective, difference of the generation and the power of youth. By saying this, younger people can be learnt new ideas, reacted faster, worked more hours because of burst of energy of youth.In addition, usually young people do not have health or cognitive problems. There is a good example is that a company which based on computer software would rather young people because of 2000's generations grown with technology than people used to. In contrast, there are some disadvantages of hiring young people that are inexperienced, doing mistakes a lot and spending times in order to figure out obligations.

Other people may think that the advantages of older employees are overwhelmingly greater than young's. Old people do not do mistakes so many because they have already done when they were young and mistakes became to experience. Thus, old people can share many experience with younger employees in order to prevent to wrong decisions of young people. For instance, a big company has to have at least one older or mentor person in member of board in order to give some recommendation. Whereas, there are also some drawbacks that are their brain storm may not be so strong, cognitive process may be slowly, may not orient the life based on technology and they may have health problems.

To sum up, from my point of view that companies should hire depends on the sector however at least minority of them should be older to have their experiences.

[subedi]

dear Bilak, after going through your essay i've found that you have met the requirements of answering your question but you have committed grammatical errors, which cannot be overlooked. Moreover, you should work more on the use of tense. for example in the second line of the second para
By saying this, younger people can be learnt new ideas, reacted faster, worked more hours because of burst of energy of youth.In addition, usually young people do not have health or cognitive problems........
compare first and the second sentence, they relate to each other. If both the sentences wuld be in simple present tense it would have sounded better like
by saying this younger people can learn new ideas , react faster, work more hours because of burst of energy of youth. In addition young people do not have health or cognitive problems.

instead of 'there is a good example is that' use 'there's a good example of' a company.....

you have tried using good vocabs at places but it could have been better. for example 'doing mistakes' in last line of second para can be replaced with 'committing flagrant mistakes' which sounds more academic.

I dont know about your requirements but if i were your examiner i would have scored you between 5.5 to 6 but not above this. If your requirements are higher please focus on your grammar and try to write simple sentences. goodluck

[bilak]

Thank you so much subedi. I ll keep in my mind your suggestions.