Please evaluate my essay and provide me a feedback....!!!

[harshaabba]

Some people think young people are more influenced by their friends than their parents or teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

It is clear from the literature that adolescence is a period during which great differentiation takes place on the social terrain. Young children can be affected by many social, economic and environmental factors both in positive and negative ways.. In modern life, young individuals are not influenced by their parents or teachers but also by their friends. In my point of view all of these have a impact on child’s development.

First and foremost, Parents play a crucial role in their child’s social development. A child is not born with social skills. He needs parents who take an active role in preparing him to interact successfully with his peers. The most important thing parents can do for their child is to develop a loving, accepting, and respectful relationship with him. This warm relationship sets the stage for all future relationships, including friendships. It helps the child develop the basic trust and self-confidence necessary to go out and meet others. It provides a firm foundation on which the child can develop social skills. He learns how to win or lose well, to apologize and accept apologies. He learns to accept compliments graciously and to show admiration and appreciation. Furthermore, he learns to be patient, respectful, and considerate. Parents help their child learn how to be a person others like to be around by showing him with their own actions.

Moreover, teacher that provides the right encouragement and direction to his/her students, can actually help them grow into a fine young individuals of tomorrow, by imparting values such as perseverance, hard work, determination and respect. It is often said, education is the foundation of progress of a nation, and without teachers education itself would be incomplete. This often proves a old age-saying “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Teacher's that portray an image of confidence and accomplishment will help fulfill a child's need of a positive role model when the family may fail to provide such a figure.

Last but not least , Friends are vital to school-age children’s healthy develop¬ment. Research has found that children who lack friends can suffer from emotional and mental difficulties later in life. Friendships provide children with more than just fun playmates. Friendships help children develop emotionally and morally. In interacting with friends, children learn many social skills, such as how to communicate, cooper¬ate, and solve problems. They practice controlling their emotions and responding to the emotions of others. They develop the ability to think through and negotiate different situations that arise in their relationships. Having friends even affects children’s school performance. Children tend to have better attitudes about school and learning when they have friends there. In short, children benefit greatly from having friends.

In conclusion , all of these roles teach them, more or less intellectual knowledge, nor only to teach them virtues in the sense of honesty, courage, etc. The functions of any individual, within society, go far beyond the above mentioned and all of them are responsible for youth’s development.





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[Khalidsultani]

excellent article by harshaabba. good use of grammar , words , do make sure you can write all this in 40 min in real exam here are some suggestion . waiting for others to respond . overall looks like band between 7.5 and above.
do correct me if i am wrong.

It is clear from the literature that adolescence is a period during which great differentiation takes place on the social terrain. Young children can be affected by many social, economic and environmental factors both in positive and negative ways.. In modern life, young individuals are not influenced by their parents or teachers but also by their friends. In my point of view all of these have a (not required) impact on (not required ) child’s development.

Last but not least , Friends are vital to school-age children’s children healthy develop¬ment. Research has found that children who lack friends can suffer from emotional and mental difficulties later in life. Friendships provide children with more than just fun playmates. Friendships help children develop emotionally and morally. In while interacting with friends, children learn many social skills, such as how to communicate, cooper¬ate, and solve problems. They practice controlling their emotions and responding to the [Not required ] emotions of others.(better others emotions) They develop the ability to think through thoroughly and negotiate different situations that arise in their relationships. Having friends even affects affect children’s children school performance. Children tend to have better attitudes about school and learning ,when they have friends there. In short, children benefit greatly from having friends.

In conclusion , all of these roles teach them, [Not required here] more or less intellectual knowledge, nor not only to teach them virtues in the sense of honesty, courage, etc. The functions of any individual, within society, go far beyond the above mentioned and all of them are responsible for youth’s development.

[harshaabba]

Thanks a lot for your response.