please evaluate my task 2! I need a band 8!

[Claire3]

Should high school leavers take a gap year before attending universities?



Taking a gap year off between high school and university has become a popular choice by many students. There are a number of common ways they utilise this time, such as travelling abroad, volunteering or working. I personally believe that this kind of experience should be recommended to students more actively, since they can offer youngsters several benefits.

Spending time outside of school indicates that students can encounter opportunities to interact with people who they are not used to communicating with. Foreigners they meet while travelling overseas or colleagues from volunteering and work enable them to develop exceptional social skills to talk to others with cultural, racial or age differences. Such experiences can subsequently motivate them to be a more confident and outgoing person, which is believed to help them establish a solid social network.

Another distinctive advantage that a gap year break can give to students is a time to try out different types of practical work. Many teenagers graduate from high school without having clear occupational plans. However, participating in work experience programs or working part time before starting university can broaden their perspectives on career choices. An exemplary case can be illustrated through looking at my sister, who spent six months teaching English in Cambodia during her gap year. While she was looking after the disadvantaged local kids, she developed a desire to work for international charity organisations and she decided to enrol in an international studies degree the next year.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the society should encourage more high school graduates because the process of establishing social skills and trials on different jobs can provide them with invaluable life experiences.


272words

[prabhakar reddy]

Dear Claire,
To call a spade a spade, though you have strained your every sinew to be effective, I am afraid,it won't stand to get 8 band . For that matter, it oscillates between 6.5 and 7 band, since, most of the sentence structures are not that impressive and they lack the much needed punch and spice. There were some uncalled- for words which made the essay lose its elegance. You have not tried to introduce some good idiomatic phrases and some exquisite vocabulary to make the essay cast a spell on the mind of the reader. The views are banal and lack spirit and nothing innovative. I am sorry to be bit harsh in my comment, but then , you have asked for it. So, don't mistake me , I am just telling my opinion out of my vast experience of checking,correcting and evaluating thousands and thousands of essays in my 15 year's experience of teaching IELTS,
Don't take my words to heart because 'one man's food is another man's poison'. So, what I feel about your essay not worthy to yield 8 band may be worthy to some weary-eyed examiner. So, cross your fingers and hope for Nature to do its own course. God bless you.

Dr.PRABHAKAR REDDY
PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH & TRAINER IF IELTS
E.mail. preddy2407@gmail.com

[Flick]

Should high school leavers take a gap year before attending universities?



Taking a gap year off between high school and university has become a popular choice for many students. There are a number of common ways they utilise this time, such as travelling abroad, volunteering or working. I personally believe that this kind of experience should be recommended to students more actively, since it can offer youngsters several benefits.

Spending time outside of school indicates that students can encounter opportunities to interact with people they are not used to communicating with. Foreigners they meet while travelling overseas or colleagues from volunteering and work enable them to develop exceptional social skills to talk to others with cultural, racial or age differences. Such experiences can subsequently motivate them to be a more confident and outgoing person, which is believed to help them establish a solid social network.

Another distinctive advantage that a gap year break can give to students is time to try out different types of practical work. Many teenagers graduate from high school without having clear occupational plans. However, participating in work experience programs or working part time before starting university can broaden their perspectives on career choices. For example, my sister spent six months teaching English in Cambodia during her gap year. While she was looking after the disadvantaged local children, she developed a desire to work for international charity organisations and she decided to enrol in an international studies degree the next year.

In conclusion, I am convinced that society should encourage more high school graduates because the process of establishing social skills and trials on different jobs can provide them with invaluable life experiences.


272words