General Writing Task 2 Essay. Need feedback

[Manj1537]

Hello Friends, I am practicing for my General writing task 2 and below is one of the essay. Please help me with your feedback.

Thanks


Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.

Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay:

Advertising, a key factor for the success of any business. It is a medium through which consumers are made aware of new products or enhancements made to the existing products. Some argue that it makes people buy things which they don’t need and few refute it stating it does helps them in improving their lives. These would be further discussed in the following points.

To Start with, few are of the opinion that advertising lure them to buy products which are not required. This can be seen with people who are obsessed with gadgets. Whenever they come across any attractive product which has got an impressive functionality, they prefer buying it, even if they don’t require it. Hence, it is evident that why few believe that advertising encourages them to buy unnecessary products.

On the contrary, few support advertising, stating that it helps them in improving their lives. For instance, advertisements on new fitness products or new and improved groceries items which make people in improving their lifestyle. Thus, it can be seen that why many are in the support of advertising.

To conclude, after analyzing above points, it is clear that few buy unnecessary products based on their features and few buy it based on their benefits. As far as I am concerned I believe advertising spread awareness of new products to consumers which at the end of the day benefits all.

[ieltsguru]

Your essay is good and can be rated in the range of 6.5 - 7.0 bands.
- your linguistics are good but the essay is quite under length
- you can improve you content by increasing your length by adding more content
-can improve by adding some examples or instances that you have encountered


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