please help me to evaluate my essay, which score? Give me fe

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Sardorn
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Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2014 4:24 pm

please help me to evaluate my essay, which score? Give me fe

Post by Sardorn »

The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The past years have seen a dramatic increase in the liberty of international tourism and the expansion of variously different types of press and mass media. Owing to this, people are able to know easily and quickly about ongoing situations from all over the world. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the drawbacks of this evident far outweigh its benefits. These drawbacks are twofold.

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that the information is got easily ever before. Despite the advantage of being well informed- a problem occasionally seen in people, who have loved ones in the abroad and care of them. Some abnormal actions, which is spread through the Internet, can become to widespread one. Owing to this behavior of young generation might be destroyed. Moreover, street strikes or meetings of the one country, which are not satisfied with the work of government or some rules, can migrate to another country. In addition, can generate a global problem as well.

Equally importantly, though, knowing about foreign peers can teach people do not conduct the some mistakes, it can provide people with some fear. For example, the citizens’ war in somewhere can directly influence on other countries, even to not neighbor ones. People dread of мshooting bombs, murder and violence, which can in their country consequently.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position the being well informed has impacts that are more negative on modern lifestyle.
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Flick
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Re: please help me to evaluate my essay, which score? Give m

Post by Flick »

Sardorn wrote:The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The past years have seen a dramatic increase in the liberty of international tourism and the expansion of different types of press and mass media. Owing to this, people are able to know easily and quickly about ongoing situations from all over the world. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that the drawbacks of this far outweigh its benefits. These drawbacks are twofold.

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that information is more available than ever before. Despite the advantage of being well informed, a problem occasionally seen in people who have loved ones abroad and care of them.(<--This doesn't make sense. What is the problem?) Some abnormal actions which are spread through the Internet can become widespread.(<--What abnormal actions? It is better to include an example here.) Owing to this behavior (<--What behavior?) the younger generation might be destroyed. Moreover, street strikes or meetings in a country that is not satisfied with the work of the government or some rules can migrate to another country. In addition, it can generate a global problem as well.(<--Do you have an example of this happening?)

Equally importantly, though, knowing about foreign peers can teach people to avoid the same mistakes. It can provide people with fear. For example, the citizens’ war in somewhere (<--This is too vague. You need to include specific countries or examples.) can directly influence on other countries, even to not neighbor ones. People dread shooting, bombs, murder and violence, which can occur in their country consequently.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that being well informed has impacts that are more negative on the modern lifestyle.
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