Pls rate this IELTS Task2 Essay-Aiming 8

[bissaggy]

Essay Topic:
Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Write at least 250 Words

With the advent of the 21st century, more and more people are travelling across the world. There are several contributing factors like Globalisation , ease of connectivity and change in mindset of today's people which is playing a major role in this area.
21st Century is the age of modern day Globalisation and more and more multinational companies are setting up their bases in foreign lands. As a result of this , several employees needs to travel to offices in foreign countries for various reasons-be it training people, getting to know work-culture and other related aspects. To give a personal example, I have travelled all the way from India to Unites States for work and recent surveys says about 20% of employees of major technology firms travels to foreign counties for work related reasons once a year.
The other critical factor is the change in mindset of people. Today's people are more than willing to experience and explore different countries/places, culture and way of life. The ease of connectivity between various parts of the world acts as a catalyst and is leading to more and more people travelling than ever before.
The benefits of travelling are manifold. First and foremost, one gets to know about the art and culture, language and literature and way of life. Coming to the Unites States, I have learnt a lot about the American culture ,its history and the American way of life. This not only fortified my knowledge but also broadened my outlook towards the world. The other advantage I see is the understanding of the work culture which helps a lot in working together as a Team, especially when you have people from diverse backgrounds and spread across the world.
To sum it up, with globalization and ease of connectivity , people across the world are travelling than ever before and this undoubtedly, is having lot of positive impacts in the life and outlook of people.

[will.nguyen]

Wow, your essay is very good. Good vocabulary. Good grammar structure (although there are some minor grammatical mistakes), and you have nail the question.
However, some of your sentences are way too long, you should put a comma or break it down a little bit.
For example:
"I have traveled all the way from India to Unites States for work and recent surveys says about 20% of employees of major technology firms travels to foreign counties for work related reasons once a year". I exhaust all my breath to finish read this sentence out loud.

Also I believe: culture is a way of life, so there is no need to write "..., culture and way of life"

(but anyway, this is purely my opinion. I only score 6.5 in writing, and I am aiming for 7.0)

I forget. I think your essay is around 7.5. Without grammatical error and too long sentence, it could be 8.0.

[bissaggy]

Thank you so much for the feedback,much appreciated.

[Flick]

Essay Topic:
Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case?
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Write at least 250 Words

With the advent of the 21st century, more and more people are travelling across the world. There are several contributing factors like globalisation, ease of connectivity and a change in the mindset of today's people which play a major role in this area.

The 21st Century is the age of globalisation, and more and more multinational companies are setting up their bases in foreign countries. As a result of this , several employees need to travel to offices in foreign countries for various reasons - be it training people, getting to know work-culture and other related aspects. To give a personal example, I travelled from India to the United States for work. Recent surveys say about 20% of employees of major technology firms travel to foreign countries for work related reasons once a year.

The other critical factor is the change in people's mindset. Today's people are more than willing to experience and explore different countries, culture and way of life. The ease of connectivity between various parts of the world acts as a catalyst and is leading to more and more people travelling than ever before.

There are many benefits to travelling. First and foremost, one can learn about art and culture, language and literature and way of life. Coming to the United States, I have learnt a lot about American culture, its history and the American way of life. This not only fortified my knowledge but also broadened my outlook towards the world. The other advantage is the understanding of work culture which helps a lot in working together as a team, especially when you have people from diverse backgrounds and spread across the world.

To sum up, with globalisation and ease of connectivity, people across the world are travelling more than ever before and this undoubtedly is having a lot of positive impacts on the life and outlook of people.