task2 < travel benefits>

[durai]

There are more benefits to travel in your own country than travelling in foreign countries. Do you agree or disagree.

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Over the last decade, the number of domestic and international travelers has significantly increased the world over. While some opine that there are more advantages in a domestic travel, others argue that overseas travel has potential benefits. To my mind, the positives of local travel are on par with the international travel.

On the one hand, there are many pros of travelling in our own country. The primary advantage is that there is no visa required for travelling inside the nation. For example, a friend of mine has been rejected US visa 6 times even though he had provided genuine documents. At the end, he planned one month trip to North India after wasting 3 months in preparing documents for visa application. From this, it is clear that domestic travel has substantial benefits.

On the other hand, one of the main advantages of international travel is the exposure that a traveler gets towards different cultures. For instance, I went to Australia for my higher education in 2008. In addition to my studies, I learned many things about the people and their habits. In fact, I came to know about the meaning of life by socialising with people from a wide variety of backgrounds. While considering this, it is agreed that travelling to foreign lands will be an advantage.

As this essay shows that there are equal number of benefits of domestic and international travel, in my opinion, people should make use of these while planning trips. It is hoped that the public will increase their local and overseas travel in the future.

[allen_zhang]

Hi Durai,
I am planning to shut the IELTS off my mind for one day or two to get some relax. So, I won't be able to check your work in the coming two days. I'll come back soon. .

Best regards,
allen

[durai]

Hi Allen,

Can you check this work for me please?

Durai

[allen_zhang]

Hi Durai,
Below is some personal understandings.

Over the last decade, the number of domestic and international travelers has significantly increased the world over. While some opine that there are more advantages in a domestic travel, others argue that overseas travel has potential benefits. To my mind, the positives of local travel are on par with the international travel.

I usually will try to avoid balanced view.
I just learned a new phrase "outbound travel" which is the same as "overseas travel" and "international travel".
I would change "potential benefits" to "more benefits". Because the question asks you which one is more beneficial.


On the one hand, there are many pros of travelling in our own country. The primary advantage is that there is no visa required for travelling inside the nation. For example, a friend of mine has been rejected for a US visa 6 times even though he had provided genuine documents. At the end, he planned one month trip to North India after wasting 3 months in(on? I am not sure) preparing documents for visa application. From this, it is clear that domestic travel has substantial benefits. (I would directly say: domestic travel is more convenient)

There are other benefits like: lower cost, no language barrier, maybe safer, less time on flight.

On the other hand, one of the main advantages of international travel is the exposure that a traveler gets towards different cultures. for me, this kind of wording seems not nature to me, but I am not sure.
For instance, I went to Australia for my higher education in 2008. In addition to my studies, I learned many things about the people there and their habits. In fact, I came to know about the meaning of life by socialising with people from a wide variety of backgrounds. While considering this, it is agreed that travelling to foreign lands will be an advantage.

From my point of view, your education in Australia is not "travel". I feel that this topic is probably more on the "tour" side. I don't even think business trip should be included, because these things are not what we choose.

As this essay shows that there are equal number of benefits of domestic and international travel, in my opinion, people should make use of these while planning trips. It is hoped that the public will increase their local and overseas travel in the future.

You just listed one benefit on each side, then you say :"there are equal number of benefits". Logically, I doubt about it.
I would say: both A and B have their benefits.
"people should make use of these while planning trips" is not clear to me.
" It is hoped that the public will increase their local and overseas travel in the future." this looks irrelevant to the topic.
My impression is that this piece is not as good as your former ones.

[durai]

Thanks Allen,

I keep your points....may be my examples sound irrelevant...but I can't think when my time was running.

i need to keep my nervousness down.....and look for points that explains the topic sentence very clearly....

I think everyone can produce good essays if they give more time..its a matter of putting in 1 hour.

hi, apart from writing essays , what you do to develop your writing skills....such as reading any particular material...

Durai

[allen_zhang]

HI Durai,
I agree with you. it is hard to write good essays under pressure. I have this problem as well.
I guess the only thing I can do is to try to write/read more essays, so I will have enough ideas before starting to write.
About my tactics, in the past few months, I didn't restrict my time on any essay, I always did a lot of researches (by googling) on every topic and then write an essay.
Since the last few weeks, I started to give myself time limit on essays, but I still use more than 40 minutes for a task 2 essay. I am trying to shorten it.

I also read CNN articles regularly, one or two pieces a day.

Actually, I still don't know if I can make it or not...

Do you have any advice for me?

[durai]

Hi Allen,

here is my personal suggestions and views..

Well, you know I was scoring consistently band 6 when I try to explain more than one point in one paragraph. I I followed Simon's way of writing, also, that time my Grammar wasn't good either. in fact, about 3 tests , my writing band 6 , 6 and 6.

But when I tried to use one idea with example and explanation of that example with the topic sentence, I saw a jump of 0.5 band, and next attempt I scored band 7, a jump of 1 band in 6 weeks, even there was some mistakes pertaining to Grammar.

Only in my last attempt, again I scored 6.5, the reason as I told earlier that I wasn't thinking of any idea when only 25 minutes left. In fact, I wrote in 25 minutes and also finished conclusion in 2 minutes, finally no time to look back. while writing I knew there was some mistakes in articles and tenses, also with use of 'that' and 'which' clauses , but unfortunately no time to correct it.

When I scored band 7, I took about 6 minutes to check my work and I corrected about 8 mistakes, all mistakes was quite amazing. You know what

ex: " Uniforms necessary for schools" -----here I left the verb, while writing it sounds that I wrote "are" but i was very surprised to see such mistakes, may be I read in mind but not written in the paper.

Even I didn't know about Ryan since Jan 2014, only my friend who took band 8 in writing, told me about him. My friend was band 6 writer since oct 2013, in 2 months including 1 month of hard word with Ryan's structure, he scored band 8 in writing in his last two attempts, but his problem was in the reading, anyway now he is a permanent resident of Australia.


so, at last, I would recommend you to follow Ryan's model......topic, example, explain, conlcude...

typically...15 sentences...maximum of 16 ....I listened to Ryan's chat with one from India, Prashant, he achieve bad 8.5 with same 15 sentences and what he said was " Be concise and don't go for long senetences..

Ryan siad , even to get band 8, no need of sophisticated Vocabulary, even you see Johnson Zhang essay, he used complex words, but I find difficult to understand the main point, even though I am band 9 reader, may be that could be the reason why he is scoring low..

just write short meaningful sentences with clear idea and of course should be grammatically flawless.


Well.. its only my personal experience, ....You can reply what you thinking.....


Durai

[allen_zhang]

Hi Durai,
I agree with you. Actually, I already adopted some of Ryan's way. For example:
After an example, I would write something like: "This example shows/demonstrates that" or "From this, we can see..".
I just a little bit don't like "From this example, it is clear...". I usually don't like too strong conclusion.
I didn't do this before.
Another thing is that I don't like "this essay is an attempt to ...", I just feel it can be used in almost all essays.

I agree that the most important thing is to commit as fewer mistakes as possible in the test.
I have a feeling that our vocabulary are both enough for band 7. The grammar control is also good enough when we have time to check our essay.

Besides writing, my speaking is also not safe. I know my score is just around 7 or 6.5. I can get 7 when I am lucky enough.

Anyway, let's go for the June 21 test. Good luck for us..

BTW,
Do you have good topics now? I'd like to try one this afternoon.

Best regards,
Allen

[Caleb]

I completely agree on this because it has an impact and at the end traveling is a good activity if everything goes reasonably what you have written i have the similar mindset.