Iam aiming for 8.0 please check my writing IELtS experts!

[Junekim]

It is beneficial for students to spend a certain amount of time at least one year before entering universities. Do you agree or disagree?

Through the progression of time, the issues surrounding spending some time before entering university have stimulated a controversy in society. The controversy revolves around the fact that it is beneficial for students to have a certain amount of time before starting university studies. This essay will take a social perspective to show a firm agreement with this claim.

In the current society, many claim that young people may have valuable experience during this period of time. For instance, young people may be involved in part time jobs and experience the diversity of social life. Through this experience, they are likely to develop interpersonal skills, which are crucial to maintain healthy relationship with others who have different personalities and traits. Furthermore, the experience gained from part time jobs tends to be the foundational criteria for building their future career. Following this reasoning, there is sufficient evidence to support the claim that it would affect the young generation in a positive way.

However, as with most issues of discussion, a counter-argument exists in that it could be a waste of time. This is because society is becoming increasingly competitive to the point where a certain level of academic qualifications is indispensable in securing decent jobs. However this aspect seems to be considered as a narrow perspective. The ultimate purpose of education is to help students find jobs of their interests as the level of job satisfaction often determines the work performance of an employee. As such, it seems significantly less convincing to consider that having quality time before entering universities is unnecessary.

Upon thorough analysis, it is clear that students may potentially have rewarding experience by taking a gap year. Hence, it can be inferred that students should be allowed to have some time before initiating their studies in universities.

Any suggestions to improve and if it is possible tell me a band score for this essay.

[Flick]

It is beneficial for students to spend a certain amount of time at least one year before entering universities. Do you agree or disagree?

Through the progression of time, the issues surrounding spending some time before entering university have stimulated a controversy in society. The controversy revolves around the fact that it is beneficial for students to have a certain amount of time before starting university studies. This essay will take a social perspective to show a firm agreement with this claim.

In the current society, many claim that young people may gain valuable experience during this period of time. For instance, young people may be involved in part time jobs and experience the diversity of social life. Through this experience, they are likely to develop interpersonal skills, which are crucial to maintain healthy relationships with others who have different personalities and traits. Furthermore, the experience gained from part time jobs tends to be the foundational criteria for building their future career. Following this reasoning, there is sufficient evidence to support the claim that it would affect the young generation in a positive way.

However, as with most issues of discussion, a counter-argument exists in that this period could be a waste of time. This is because society is becoming increasingly competitive to the point where a certain level of academic qualifications is indispensable in securing decent jobs. However, this aspect seems to be considered as a narrow perspective. The ultimate purpose of education is to help students find jobs related to their interests, as the level of job satisfaction often determines the work performance of an employee. As such, it seems significantly less convincing to consider that having quality time before entering universities is unnecessary.

Upon thorough analysis, it is clear that students may potentially gain rewarding experience by taking a gap year. Hence, it can be inferred that students should be allowed to have some time before initiating their studies in universities.

Great job!