Please correct this essay

[jyothi318]

Please correct this essay on ways to reduce traffic accidents. Thanks in advance.
Topic: The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a safe driving education course before being licensed to drive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Does a safety oriented training to young drivers alone aid in reducing the count of traffic accidents? Road accidents primarily occur when safety is ignored and when strict punishments are not imposed on careless drivers. Though safe driving lessons to young drivers before permitting license may lessen the number of accidents by a minuscule, law should strictly punish the rule breakers to drastically reduce the count.

Firstly, new drivers should be educated on the vitality of safety to enjoyment. Many youngsters love to enjoy the thrilling experience of driving at high speeds. Nevertheless, educating then on safe driving is crucial in controlling the disasters that might occur if they were not cautious on the traffic rules and speed limit. For instance, the necessity of wearing helmet, risk of driving after consuming drugs and possibility of dangers that may occur while talking over mobile or listening to songs while driving, is essential to be explained to novice drivers. License permit post taking the safe driving course enables immature drivers to prioritize safety thereby reducing the traffic hazards.

More importantly, rigorous traffic rules and penalty for offenders are inevitable in reducing the accidents. The implications of breaking traffic rules should be imparted to people for an organised traffic; on the other hand, absence of punishment turns a mistake into practise. Heavy penalty is essential to be imposed on people when safety rules are ignored to control road accidents.

To conclude, coursed on safe driving to young drivers educate them on the importance of safety while driving. However, penalizing the law offenders is crucial in organising traffic resulting in drastic reduction in the number of read accidents.

[Veena2015]

Just few friendly suggestions,

1. Starting with a question in introduction, well I am not sure about it.
2. I liked few arguments you made and noticed you have used few good vocabulary.
3. "Many youngsters love to enjoy the thrilling experience of driving at high speeds."

could be

Many youngsters lend to enjoy the thrilling experience of driving in high speeds.
4. more focus in prepositions usage might increase your scores in writing.
5. I spotted few typo errors like educating then

[Flick]

Topic: The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young drivers complete a safe driving education course before being licensed to drive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Does safety oriented training for young drivers alone aid in reducing the number of traffic accidents? Road accidents primarily occur when safety is ignored and when strict punishments are not imposed on careless drivers. Though enforcing young driving lessons for young drivers before permitting them a license may lessen the number of accidents by a small amount, the law should strictly punish the rule breakers to drastically reduce the count.

Firstly, new drivers should be educated on the vitality of safety. Many youngsters enjoy the thrilling experience of driving at high speeds. Nevertheless, educating them on safe driving is crucial in controlling the disasters that might occur if they are not cautious in traffic rules and obey the speed limit. For instance, the necessity of wearing a helmet when riding a bike, the risk of driving after consuming drugs and the dangers that may occur while using a phone or listening to songs while driving, must be explained to novice drivers. Having novice drivers take a safe driving course before they are awarded their license enables immature drivers to prioritize safety thereby reducing traffic hazards.

More importantly, rigorous traffic rules and penalties for offenders are inevitable in reducing accidents. The implications of breaking traffic rules should be imparted to people for an organised traffic;(<--I don't understand. What is an organised traffic?) on the other hand, absence of punishment turns a mistake into practise. Heavy penalties are essential when safety rules are ignored to prevent road accidents.

To conclude, courses on safe driving for young drivers educates them on the importance of safety while driving. However, penalizing law offenders is crucial in organising traffic, resulting in a drastic reduction in the number of accidents.

[jyothi318]

Thanks for the response Flick.

By organised traffic i meant a free flow of vehicles on the roads where one driver does not interrupt or come in the way of other breaking traffic rules. This is generally encountered in highly populated cities where everyone is in a hurry to reach destination and so do not hesitate to break rules.
Please let me know if you can share any better way of expressing this in the essay. Thanks in advance.