plz plz rate my essay , non-academic subjects

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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issamfayad@yahoo.com
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:59 pm

plz plz rate my essay , non-academic subjects

Post by issamfayad@yahoo.com »

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people
believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery)
should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on
academic subjects.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You should write at least 250 words.


The non-academic courses is regarded invaluable source of supporting skills. This
is very apparent by topics' context and objective. It is disagreed that non-academic
subjects pose burdens for students to accomplish successive acquisitions. This will
be proven by analyzing how secondary courses enhance pupils capabilities and improve
their skills as well.

Firstly, a very important aspect of secondary courses is the upholding features, that
facilitate studying some main subjects. For example, English language course, seems
to be one of the most significant studies in some institutions that teach International
students in English. For those people , English have to be crucial course as students
studying their main topics in English. As a result, neglecting non-academic courses have
a catastrophic outcomes for students' understanding and comprehensive achievements.

Secondly, many educational institutions impose pre-qualifying requirements to conserve
their superb reputation, as they have ,admittedly, robust educational systems. To
illustrate, some Australian universities compel abroad students to undergo to special
programs to advance their academic capabilities in order to complete their academic
studies. This will help both drastically. Universities will be able to select the most fitting
pupils who able to breakthrough academic researches . After analyzing this, it is clear
that non-academic approach is an integral part of academic related fulfillment.

In conclusion, following the analyzation of the non-academic courses' importance, it is
clear that non-academic subjects is magnificent for enhancing student's readiness,
so long as , institutions aims to fortify their educational systems.
bridgetbones
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2014 7:42 pm

Re: plz plz rate my essay , non-academic subjects

Post by bridgetbones »

Task Response:5
The topic is adressed partially,with irrelevant example(non-academic skills are practical skills,certainly English falls out of this category),and undeveloped example(<Australian students undergo special program> without any referencing to the sort of program).Format is inappropriate in your thesis statement(It is disagreed.../I would argue/disagree)
Coherence and Cohesion:6
Cohesion within sentence is mechanical(linking words positioned at the beginning of sentence without variation).Occasional ineffective referencing(This is very apparent...this refers to invaluable source implied from the context of the task.The whole sentence is illogical.)
Lex.Res:7 Inaccuracies in word formation and word choice.(Abroad students-overseas/foreign students,pupils-high school graduates),spelling(to breakthrough-to break through).Although some uncommon lexical items have been used,the frequency of errors and lack of precision make you 7 subscorer.
Grammat. Range and Accuracy:6 Subject-verb agreement,misplaced comma,tenses impede communication;however,a sufficient mix of complex structures(with relative clause,adjectival clause) deserves 6.
O:6
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