Please help me with this essay: "advertisment on children"

[thuclinh2603]

Advertisement to children.
Should or should not?

It is noticeable that advertisers these days are making a fortune by capturing young children’s attention to their products and services. However, while some programs seem to be significantly effective, others may pose unforeseen hazardous consequences. Personally, I am of the opinion that children should not be made the targeted audiences of these advertising programs for the following reasons.
Firstly, it is merely impossible for the authority to supervise the quality of every single piece of advertisement; as a consequence, misleading ads raise a concern over the adverse effect of them on children’s mind. This may lead to the consequences that the young people may adopt negative and aggressive behavior from the bad role models featured in these ads. Social media celebrities like Miley Cyrus, for example, are usually paid upwards to as much as $ 10,000 for wearing their fashion brands. However, recently, it has been widely agreed that Miley’s rebellious lifestyle would make her no longer an appropriate iconic star for teenagers.
Secondly and more importantly, according to scientific research, children under the age of seven cannot tell the difference between advertisement and entertainment. Consequently, it may make them more vulnerable and exploitable than their senior counterparts. It is specifically true while more children are gravitating towards new programs and digital devices these days than they were before. Further, if parents of those obsessed with kid products keep on pampering unquestionably their increasing demands, it is highly likely that their offspring will be spoiled rotten.
In conclusion, it is irrefutable that advertising has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the government should curb the marketing by banning advertisement aiming at children under a certain age.

[saqibali]

You already know Ryan style.Try to follow it strictly.
Secondly, try to reread many times what you written

https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148

[Flick]

Advertisement to children.
Should or should not?

It is noticeable that advertisers these days are making a fortune by capturing young children’s attention with their products and services. However, while some programs seem to be significantly effective, others may pose unforeseen, hazardous consequences. Personally, I am of the opinion that children should not be made the targeted audience of these advertising programs for the following reasons.

Firstly, it is impossible for the authorities to supervise the quality of every single advertisement. As a consequence, misleading ads raise concern over the adverse effect of them on childrens' minds. This may lead to consequences such as young people adopting negative and aggressive behavior from the bad role models featured in these ads. Social media celebrities like Miley Cyrus, for example, are usually paid upwards of as much as $ 10,000 for wearing their fashion brands. However, recently it has been widely agreed that Miley’s rebellious lifestyle would make her no longer an appropriate iconic star for teenagers.

Secondly and more importantly, according to scientific research, children under the age of seven cannot tell the difference between advertisement and entertainment. Consequently, it may make them more vulnerable and exploitable than their senior counterparts. It is true that more children are gravitating towards new programs and digital devices these days than they were before. Furthermore, if parents of those children obsessed with products keep on pampering unquestionably their increasing demands, it is highly likely that their offspring will be spoiled rotten.

In conclusion, it is irrefutable that advertising has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the government should curb marketing by banning advertisements aimed at children under a certain age.