Please check my writing :)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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nanaba86
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2015 1:34 am

Please check my writing :)

Post by nanaba86 »

USING A COMPUTER EVERY DAY CAN HAVE MORE NEGATIVE THAN POSITIVE EFFECTS ON YOUNG CHILDREN. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

As far as a can tell, technology has been an important aspect in our lives. While computers or other different gadgets can make our lives easier, nowadays, the increase of use of computers has brought detrimental effects on young children. For this reason, it is agreed that the use of computers every day can be harmful for children. This will be proven by analysing how the youth could loose the ability of create or be imaginative as well as spending more time in front of a computer rather than communicate with their family can affect their relationship.

Imagination and creativity are two essential aspects that young people need to develop while they are growing up. For example, 20 years ago when I was a child, one of my favourite activities was to draw or read, instead of being inside of my room playing video games on the computer. This helped me to develop my imagination and being the creative person that I am now. Young children using a computer every day will be people without the appropriate develop of their skills due to the fact that computers gives al the information that they need on a click of their hand. As a result, technology will create lazy offspring.

Additionally, family is a crucial part when they are growing up towards the adulthood. Technology has falling apart this connection between parents and young children. For instance, these days when you are in a restaurant you can see how families are looking at their Ipads or computers instated of talking to each other and spending real family time. This shows how the use of computers can absorb people's time and how can affect a whole family with the overuse of computers. Thus, in the future families could have negative results in their communication between parents and children.

Following the analysis of how computers can affect the creativity and imagination of children as well as the communication between family members, it is clear that the use of computers every day have negative consequences on young children. It is expected that computer will still be a major part in our lives but we should not be control by it.
akshaypatel0709
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2014 3:13 am

Re: Please check my writing :)

Post by akshaypatel0709 »

Well ! First of all you have very strong structure which is excellent, you also have great task response (powerful arguments),vocabulary is advance so all in all its great essay I would say you easily get 8+ band
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