Could anyone assess my writting part 1,please? Many thanks !

[mrhamse]

Topic: The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
IELTS Cambridge 5- Test 1: Writing task 1
My answer:
The line graph illustrates the level of people aged 65 from 1940 to 2040 in Sweden, the USA and Japan. It is clear that the trends for all three countries are upward, with the key feature being the similarity between Sweden and the USA population.

In the period from 1940 to 1980, the proportion of the population aged 65 in the USA remarkably grown by 7%. Similarly, Sweden population experienced a parallel, but less pronounced considerably climbed from just over 5% to well under 15%. Thereafter, the USA’s pattern slightly fell to well under 15% in 2020, while the population of Sweden went up to roughly 20%. In the period between 2020 and 2040, it is forecast that the level of population of these two countries will grow considerably and reach peaks at 25% and 23%, respectively.

In contrast, the pattern of Japan fell from 5% to 3% in the first period 1940-1980. Then it doubled in 2020 before expectations indicate that there will accelerate a sharp growth and reach a highest 27% in 2040.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Topic: The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Try to start sentences with more complex vocabulary: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/en/ ... -sentences".


Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
IELTS Cambridge 5- Test 1: Writing task 1
My answer:

The line graph illustrates the level of people aged 65 from 1940 to 2040 in Sweden, the USA and Japan. It is clear that the trends for all three countries are upward, with the key feature being the similarity between Sweden and the ("USA's") USA population.

In the period from 1940 to 1980, the proportion of the population aged 65 in the USA ("had") remarkably grown by 7%. Similarly, ("Sweden's") Sweden population experienced a parallel, but less pronounced ("considerable climb") considerably climbed from just over 5% to well under 15%. Thereafter, the USA’s pattern slightly fell to well under 15% in 2020, while the population of Sweden went up to roughly 20%. In the period between 2020 and 2040, it is forecast that the level of population of these two countries will grow considerably and reach peaks at 25% and 23%, respectively.

In contrast, the pattern of Japan fell from 5% to 3% in the first period 1940-1980. Then it doubled in 2020 before expectations indicate that ("it will accelerate sharply and...") there will accelerate a sharp growth and reach a ("high of") highest 27% in 2040.

[Flick]

Topic: The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
IELTS Cambridge 5- Test 1: Writing task 1
My answer:
The line graph illustrates the level of people aged 65 from 1940 to 2040 in Sweden, the USA and Japan. It is clear that the number of 65 year olds and older for all three countries is increasing, with the key feature being the similarity between the Sweden and USA populations.

In the period from 1940 to 1980, the proportion of the population aged 65 in the USA grew by 7%. Similarly, the Swedish population experienced a parallel, but less pronounced, increase from just over 5% to well under 15%. Thereafter, the USA’s pattern slightly fell to below 15% in 2020, while the population of Sweden increased to roughly 20%. In the period between 2020 and 2040, it is forecast that the number of 65+ year olds in the population of these two countries will grow considerably and reach peaks of 25% and 23%, respectively.

In contrast, the pattern in Japan showed a decrease from 5% to 3% in the first period, 1940-1980. Then it doubled in 2020 before expectations indicate that there will be a sharp growth and a peak of 27% in 2040.