Writing task 2. Please assess my writing

[kiaconchim]

Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

With the rapid development of science and technology, television, an innovation of the 20th century, is becoming more popular in modern societies. Due to that, some parents worry about how televisions influence their children’s creativity. I personally believe that the effects are not as negative as exaggerated.

Firstly, television is one of the most powerful tools to inform people the latest news and events occurring all over the world. People are kept updated with the most recent scientific breakthroughs, the status of some researches, such as clone technology, and so on, using televisions. These updates can inspire the imagination of children and motivate them to carry out relevant experiments, resulting in their own findings and breakthroughs in their study.

Secondly, some educational programs like adventures and geography are designed to enlarge people’s scope of knowledge, including children’s. Pictures in textbooks can hardly satisfy children’s urge to explore the real world, and if they cannot afford to travel and directly see and touch the objects themselves, television is their best option. Adventures programs can cultivate children’s ability to tackle difficult tasks. Geography, on the other hand, teaches children about the beautiful variety of the nature. Children’s creativity and aspiration to know more can be deeply initiated by these kinds of programs, thanks to the eye- pleasing visual and audio effects.

It is true, however, that there are some indecent programs that may exert undesirable impacts on children’s growth. The shots about crimes, violence or pornography can lead children down to the criminal road.

In conclusion, television initiates and boosts children’s creativity and eagerness for exploration. But meanwhile, governments and societies should do their utmost to implement a strict television program classification to provide children with a healthy learning environment.

[Johnson zhang]

Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

With the rapid development of science and technology, television, an innovation of the 20th century, is becoming more popular in modern societies. Due to that, some parents worry about how televisions influence their children’s creativity. I personally believe that the effects are not as negative as exaggerated.

influence the development of creativity doesn't mean 'influencing creativity. it is dangerous to skip this key word. I would paraphrase the question in this way; because the argument that children's creativity learning and skills can be negatively affected by watching too much TV shows, Children's use of TV is banned in some families. I believe ....

Firstly, television is one of the most powerful tools to inform peopleI think you should be specific here, just say young children... the latest news and events occurring all over the world. People are kept updated with the most recent scientific breakthroughs, the status of some researches, such as clone technology, and so on, using televisions. These updates can inspire the imagination of children and motivate them to carry out relevant experiments, resulting in their own findings and breakthroughs in their study. i know it seems obvious but you have to explain FULLY how TV can help children grow creativity skills

Secondly, some educational programs like adventures and geography are designed to enlarge people’s scope of knowledge, including children’s. Pictures in textbooks can hardly satisfy children’s urge to explore the real world, and if they cannot afford to travel and directly see and touch the objects themselves, television is their best option. Adventures programs can cultivate children’s ability to tackle difficult tasks. Geography, on the other hand, teaches children about the beautiful variety of the nature. Children’s creativity and aspiration to know more can be deeply initiated by these kinds of programs, thanks to the eye- pleasing visual and audio effects.
i think arguments here are akin to those in your last para. Basically, Tv programs are educational.

It is true, however, that there are some indecent programs that may exert undesirable impacts on children’s growth. The shots about crimes, violence or pornography can lead children down to the criminal road.
irrelevant to the topic.

In conclusion, television initiates and boosts children’s creativity and eagerness for exploration. But meanwhile, governments and societies should do their utmost to implement a strict television program classification to provide children with a healthy learning environment.

I will say that creativity means to create new or different things that are original and have a value. You cannot be original if you are not well informed (which can be achieved by watching TV programs such as News and discovery channels). And many educational programs on TV teach kids about the value of science and engineering as well as human arts. This teaching is conducive to kids' learning of creativity.