Writing task 2. Please assess my writing

[kiaconchim]

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.

Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

It is true that magazines and newspapers nowadays are full of pictures and articles about the private lives of famous people. When some people enjoy and support them, I personally believe it is inappropriate to public this kind of information.

Firstly, privacy is one of the most basic human rights, and stalking and picturing people without their permission are acts of invasion of privacy. Even though some famous people do not mind being photographed, they still have the rights to bring a lawsuit against the paparazzi for intruding their personal lives. Pictures of Jenifer Lawrence going shopping, for instance, are appropriate; but those showing her changing her clothes are completely sensitive and over-the-line. This may not only cause Jennifer’s public embarrassment, but also adversely affect her career.

Secondly, if journalists do not conduct professional ethics, these pictures and related information may distort what really happened. Since they can only stay and take photos of well-known people from afar, they could hardly know what the story behind their actions is. They then either let the public discuss whatever they please, or, sometimes worse, make up the story. Take a photo of Angelina Jolie crying when sitting in front of Brad Pitt as an example. Those outsiders may look at the pictures and make up titles such as “They are separating”, or “Is Brad cheating on Angie?”, when it might actually be happy tears as he was proposing to her. Without correct and confirmed information, magazines and newspapers may warp public’s perception towards whom they admire, which is disastrous to a celebrity’s fame.

In conclusion, private information about personal lives of people should not be published on newspapers and magazines for several reasons.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Try to use synonyms: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... g-synonyms".

"http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... r#newText2" - avoid overly repeating vocabulary, like: "people" = 6x.

Start sentences with complex words: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... -sentences".


Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.

Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?


It is true that magazines and newspapers nowadays are full of pictures and articles about the private lives of famous people. When some people enjoy and support them, I personally believe it is inappropriate to ("make") public this kind of information.

Firstly, privacy is one of the most basic human rights, and stalking and ("snapping") picturing people without their permission are acts of ("an") invasion of privacy. Even though some famous people do not mind being photographed, they still have the ("right") rights to bring a lawsuit against the paparazzi for intruding ("into") their personal lives. Pictures of Jenifer Lawrence going shopping, for instance, are appropriate; but those showing her changing her clothes are completely sensitive and ("over the line")over-the-line. This may not only cause Jennifer’s public embarrassment, but also adversely affect her career.

Secondly, if journalists do not conduct ("themselves with") professional ethics, these pictures and related information may distort what really happened. Since they can only stay and take photos of well-known people from afar, they could hardly know what the story behind their actions is. They then either let the public discuss whatever they please, or, sometimes worse, make up the story. Take a photo of Angelina Jolie crying when sitting in front of Brad Pitt(",") as an example. Those outsiders may look at the pictures and make up titles such as “They are separating”, or “Is Brad cheating on Angie?”, when it might actually be happy tears as he was proposing to her. Without correct and confirmed information, magazines and newspapers may warp ("the") public’s perception ("against") towards whom they admire, which is disastrous to a celebrity’s fame.

In conclusion, private information about ("the") personal lives of people should not be published ("in") on newspapers and magazines for several reasons.

[amora]

kiaconchim, are you planning to sit for the academic module? The style of your writing is very general.

[kiaconchim]

Yes. And I don't understand what you mean? Do you mean the vocab is still simple?