Writing Task 1 (Pie charts)

[rahm]

Hi I am Rahmi. I would like to have your hands to correct my essay for this part 1 of IELTS academic writing section.
If i am not mistaken, it based form Cambridge 8 test 2.
Thanks for anyone who's care
skype ID ; rahmi.322

The pie charts show the percentage of total school spending for three decades by a particular UK school. The years are in 1981, 1991 and 2001. There are five kinds of total school spending. Overall, although they changed over three decades, the highest percentage of total school spending was teachers’ salaries, and the lowest one was insurance.

As can be seen in the pie charts, teachers’ salaries have the same percentage’s status as resources' (book) for three decades. It began at 40% as the lowest percentage in 1981. Then, it increased in 1991 and continued to decrease at 45% in 2001. In contrast, furniture and equipment reached the high percentage in 1981 and 2001 (15% and 23%, respectively). On the other hand, a rose to 8% occured on insurance while a decline to 15% happened on other workers’ salaries in 2001. In conclusion, the dramatic changes in school spending belonged to furniture and equipment.
(150 words)

[Marco]

hi，i am marco.I Believe your general English skill is perfect.And I like your essay.
But the only thing I may help you is the vocabulary mistake such as " a rose to 8%"which is supposed to be"a rise to 8%"."rise" is noun in the sentence.
Writing is the poorest part in my IELTS scores,so would you like to share the method about learning writing with me?

[Flick]

The pie charts show the percentage of total school spending for three decades by a particular UK school.(<--Reword to: "The pie charts show the changes in annual spending at a UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.") There are five kinds of total school spending.(<--Reword to: "Spending was spread over 5 areas: teachers' salaries, furniture and equipment, resources, other workers' salaries, and insurance.") Overall, although spending changed over the three decades, the highest percentage of total school spending remained teachers’ salaries, and the lowest was insurance.

As can be seen in the pie charts, teachers’ salaries have the same percentage’s status as resources' (book) for three decades.(<--Reword to: "The amount spent on teachers' salaries varied from 40% to 50% to 45% in 1981, 1991 and 2001 respectively.") In contrast, furniture and equipment accounted for 15% and 23% in 1981 and 2001, but dropped to 5% in 1991. On the other hand, insurance rose to 3% in 1991 and 8% in 2001 from 2% in 1981, while a decline to 15% happened on other workers’ salaries in 2001 from 22% in 1991 and 28% in 1981. In conclusion, the most dramatic changes in school spending belonged to furniture and equipment.
(150 words)