Please assess my writing essay Task 2

[May9]

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Recently,advent of modern technology has changed the way that people interact with each other. It has affected the relationships in various ways and in my opinion, there are both positive and negative effects.
On the one hand, technology has a significant impact on relationships in business,education and social life. First of all, telephones and internet allow business people to interact each other for example, holding online meetings through conference calls although they are in different geographical locations as well as advertise or market their products to all over the world.Next, services like Skype can be used as e learning tools between students and teachers in remote areas. Then, social network services like Facebook can be used as not only making new friends but also sharing common interests, feelings through their computer or mobile phone rather than face to face interaction. Finally, people whose relatives or friends are not in the same country or city they live or work can keep in touch with them easily.
On the other hand, the developments in these new communication technology have some negative effects. It is undeniable that they result in isolation people and discouraging the real interaction. For example, many young people choose to make new friends online rather than socializing with them in real world.
In summary, technology has certainly revolutionized the way we communicate in our daily lives. However,it has greatly minimize the real world interaction. In spite of these virtual relations tend to be positive, we should not deny the important usefulness of physical interaction in our lives.

[danyocean]

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Recently,advent of modern technology has changed the way that people interact with each other. It has affected the relationships in various ways and in my opinion, there are both positive and negative effects.
Is it asking your opinion or just presenting arguments such as discussion?
As far as I know, the work "advent" is not colloquial best fit with the word "technology". You may use, such as cutting-edge, emerging, etc, I think.

It true that technology has been changing the ways of communication in our daily life. The most prominent developments are the increasing numbers of mobile phones and internet communications as the tools of connecting each others. Despite in some cases bringing negative effects, technology lead to a global technological revolution on communication and processing data nowadays.

[danyocean]

On the one hand, technology has a significant impact on relationships in business, education and social life. the word "relationships" shall be used to express relation between groups/people/countries.

First of all, telephones and (the) internet allow business people to interact each other.(period) For example, holding (arranging) online meetings through conference calls although (even if) they are in different geographical locations. as well as advertise or market their products to all over the world. I would use firstly, secondly, and finally

[May9]

Dear Danyocean,

Thanks for your help.
Could I have the whole correction?