Please rate my essay!!

[Anupama]

Writing Task II - essay on hard work and luck

Success is the ability to turn your goals and dreams into reality. If you look at the life of people who accomplished success, you find that they achieved it with a sheer hard work and positive attitude. Hard work has always been a key to achieve success. But let us be very honest, luck does play a small role to achieve success. There are so many people who work hard and still not able to fulfill even their basic needs.

In order to achieve success hard work is a most, but the chances of getting success surely depend on luck. It doesn't mean people should sit idyll, do not work at all and wait for the luck. So many people exactly do this from our own surrounding. They strongly believe on the horoscope and do everything according to it. This is really a big hindrance to their capabilities of doing something with their own effort.

Until unless you work hard, you can never achieve success. Even Thomas Edison who invented electric bulb succeeded after failing thousand times. If he had waited for the luck factor, he would never have achieved success.

To conclude, let us be assured that there is no other short cut to success other than hard work but it should be with positive attitude and approach. If you work hard, take right decision at right time, luck will follow you. Luck is beyond our control. We cannot create luck, but we can work harder and challenge it.

[sos1947]

Pls post the complete question so that one can access if you have deviated from the topic.

I may not be able to help you grammar, there are better guys here.
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For Academic Essay its best to use third man approach. So instead of using I or you used one / people.

"If you look at the life of people who accomplished success, you find that they achieved it with a sheer hard work and positive attitude." = > "It is generally observed that people who accomplished success they achieved it with a sheer hard work and positive attitude."

In order to achieve success hard work is a most ("must")

"So many people exactly do this from our own surrounding" => "However, many people exactly do this in a society" ( it can be made better ).

They strongly believe on ("in") the horoscope

"Until unless you work hard, you can never achieve success" => "Unless one works hard, it is unlikely that they may achieve success"


( I think you got the idea ... )

[terry3218]

I'm on mobile so can't really provide you detailed feedback but you've got some of your verbs wrong, and you've used indefinite article (a)(a sheer hard work) inappropriately at times

P. S I'm no expert

[Flick]

Writing Task II - essay on hard work and luck

Success is the ability to turn your goals and dreams into reality. If you look at the lives of people who have accomplished success, you find that they achieved it with sheer hard work and a positive attitude. Hard work has always been key to achieving success. But let us be very honest, luck does play a small role in achieving success. There are so many people who work hard and are still not able to fulfill even their basic needs.

In order to achieve success, hard work is a must, but the chances of gaining success surely depend on luck. This doesn't mean people should sit idle, do no work at all and wait for luck. So many people exactly do this from our own surrounding.(<--Reword to: "This is a common mistake many people make.") They strongly believe in horoscopes and do everything according to astrology. This is really a big hindrance to their capabilities of doing something with their own effort.

Until you work hard, you can never achieve success. Even Thomas Edison, who invented the electric bulb, succeeded only after failing a thousand times. If he had waited for the luck factor, he would never have achieved success.

To conclude, let us be assured that there is no other short cut to success other than hard work, but it should be with a positive attitude and approach. If you work hard, make the right decision at the right time, luck will follow you. Luck is beyond our control. We cannot create luck, but we can work harder and challenge it.

[kamots89]

Refrain from using "Us or "We"