Task 2 response.Band requirement- 8. Please comment

[akshay.indurkar]

Q. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Ans.

Break the rules but follow the law. Becoming a good member of the society is a continuous process and it is not a piece of cake either, some excel and others fail. Those who fail are the main threats to the society. Long debated question is who is responsible for the teaching of well behaviour. Parents and teachers are the people who held responsible most of the instances. Collective effort by both of them helps to carve a gem out of a child.
Parents are the ones who are liable for the very first and basic understanding of the society by the child. Language, respect towards elders, basic values about friends and family, choice of right and wrong are some of the glimpse of the efforts put by parents. Both parents working is the most common excuse given now a days. I believe, they should take some time out for executing their responsibility as parents. This must be part of their job.
On the contrary, teachers in primary schools are equally responsible as they will be the first social interaction by the children outside their family. They are in charge of the child’s behaviour in school with friends. However, as they have got the whole class to look after they should at least inform and discuss the individual child’s behaviour and progress with parents so as to strike the balance in shaping him to become a better person.
To conclude, shaping a generation to become socially wise is not a one handed job. To my understanding parents and teachers are equally accountable. Individual attention as well as group teaching are necessary for getting social.

[sos1947]

"Break the rules but follow the law. Becoming a good member of the society is a continuous process and it is not a piece of cake either, some excel and others fail."


This doesn't sound very academic. This essay is from ielts cambridge book and it has a model answer. Perhaps you should read it.