Pls Evaluate my task 2 essay :)

[rhane]

Hi, I'm going to take IELTS after a few weeks and I find writing to be the most difficult especially in task 2. I needed a band 7 and I'm always around 6 to 6.5. My instructor says I tend to have irrelevant sentences and lacks more ideas. But she never pointed how to do it better though, just pointing out my mistakes. So now I am just self studying. I just find it difficult to write everything under time pressure. And thought I just needed more practice. Now, I based my essay structures from what I have seen in other IELTS sites but find it difficult to find an evaluator. I hope someone could help me make my writing skills better. Thanks in advance!

Academic IELTS
Task 2
write in 40 minutes with at least 250 words

To what extent is nuclear technology a danger to life on Earth? What are the benefits and risks associated with its use?



Nuclear technology, as a whole, has immensely influenced the lives of many people all over the world. It has been more than five hundred years that nuclear technology was developed. However, with its many uses, it can be a source of destruction or a life saving tool for humanity. In this essay, we will further discuss this to determine whether nuclear technology is more of a threat or a benefit to man.
It was greatly known, the horror that nuclear technology has taken part in the history of many countries. One such example is the nuclear bombing in Japan which has devastatingly destroyed cities and caused thousands of deaths. This use of atomic bomb, which is a product of nuclear technology, has led to unnecessary deaths and loss of properties. Hence, misuse of this technology therefore has a global extent of causing destruction.
On the other side, nuclear technology has helped improve lives all over the world. Medicine, as an example, has used this technology to advance imaging and diagnostic studies which created milestones of achievement to accurately detect and diagnose diseases. Another example, is that, nuclear technology has provided a more effective and cleaner source of energy that is used in most countries nowadays. With these life changing benefits nuclear technology has indeed helped the world become a better place.
From what we have discussed, nuclear technology can bring great benefit or huge danger to us all. It is interesting to say however that like all other things we posses, it is how we use them that determines the outcome. It all comes down to us, by utilizing nuclear energy to more constructive ways, the world would be a lot more safer and definitely more brighter.

[kyliemiriam]

It's a tricky question in a way that you lay out the advantage and disadvantage of going nuclear. However, the question requires you to state a position with some qualification. I think you handle it pretty well.

On the other side, nuclear technology has helped improve lives all over the world.

Nuclear technology has helped improving lives all over the world.

Medicine, as an example, has used this technology to advance imaging and diagnostic studies which created milestones of achievement to accurately detect and diagnose diseases.

Now... I am not sure if it is right since medicine can't "use" the technology so my reply would be:

Nuclear Technology has been used in medicine to advance... (as it goes)

Another example, is that, nuclear technology has provided a more effective and cleaner source of energy that is used in most countries nowadays.

Additionally, nuclear technology has provided a more effective... (as it goes).

Not that there is anything wrong with the grammar, but I changed it so there is a wider range of sentence structure.

With these life changing benefits nuclear technology has indeed helped the world become a better place.

With these life changing benefits nuclear technology has indeed helped the world becoming a better place.

It all comes down to us, by utilizing nuclear energy to more constructive ways, the world would be a lot more safer and definitely more brighter.

It all comes down to us, by utilizing nuclear energy to more constructive ways, the world would be a lot safer and definitely brighter.