Essay on Advertising, target band 8-9

[terry3218]

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.
To what extent do you agree with this view?

In this digital age, we are barraged with an endless amount of advertisements on a daily basis, ranging from adverts on our cell phones to personal soliciting. Nonetheless many of the methods used to advertise, can be considered unacceptable and immoral.

To begin, a common agenda of many advertisers is to first make their audience feel deprived, and then to instill a belief in their viewers that only through buying the advertised product or service, they can attain satisfaction. Most people would agree that this strategy is at the very least unacceptable and at worst sinister. Another unacceptable tactic used by advertisers is the deliberate misrepresentation of their products as being scarce and only available for a limited amount of time, by doing this they exploit the human psychology, which places higher value on things that are apparently not abundant.

In addition, the fact that we can’t escape from advertising is in my opinion, an invasion of personal privacy. In this era of democracy, human beings should have the free will to decide what information they wish to receive but through internet and telemarketing, advertisers have the choice to shove their products down our throats. To illustrate, when browsing internet, ads can pop up anytime, one after another and after a certain number of times, these uncalled for, ads can become excruciatingly frustrating.

In brief, I agree with the notion that many of the tactics used for adverting in today’s world are both unacceptable and unethical because they are manipulative and violate a person’s privacy.

255 words

[bas]

Hi Terry,

I am also aiming for band 8-9 on the IELTS. I am no IELTS tutor by any means but I will let you know about some of the things I have learned while preparing.

Your essay looks very nice overall. There are a few suggestions I have that could increase your overall band score in my opinion.

First, I would write an outline of what your body paragraphs will discuss at the end of your introduction and at the beginning of the conclusion as well. Just mention how advertisers exploit their consumer's lack of knowledge and how they invade your privacy in the intro and conclusion. This will create cohesion between the paragraphs and increase that band score.

Second, I would make the examples more specific, even if that means you have to make it up. This is an area that I have a lot of trouble with as well but it is required to obtain a high band score in the task achievement section. You could use a specific advertisement you've seen on tv or the radio from your country in your second paragraph. For the third paragraph, I would personally use the example of fake fitness products that show up when searching for fitness tips online. After you discuss the example, give a powerful explanation on how or why it supports your thesis, even if the connection seems obvious for you.

Lastly, because you will be adding more sentences if you follow the first two suggestions, I would reduce the amount of ideas you use in your supporting paragraphs to two main ideas; one for each paragraph. I believe having less but more detailed ideas will increase your overall band score on the IETLS. I would probably omit the section in your second paragraph that mentions limited time products.

I hope this helps you in some way. Let me know if you have any other ideas.

Bas

[terry3218]

Hi Terry,

I am also aiming for band 8-9 on the IELTS. I am no IELTS tutor by any means but I will let you know about some of the things I have learned while preparing.

Your essay looks very nice overall. There are a few suggestions I have that could increase your overall band score in my opinion.

First, I would write an outline of what your body paragraphs will discuss at the end of your introduction and at the beginning of the conclusion as well. Just mention how advertisers exploit their consumer's lack of knowledge and how they invade your privacy in the intro and conclusion. This will create cohesion between the paragraphs and increase that band score.

Second, I would make the examples more specific, even if that means you have to make it up. This is an area that I have a lot of trouble with as well but it is required to obtain a high band score in the task achievement section. You could use a specific advertisement you've seen on tv or the radio from your country in your second paragraph. For the third paragraph, I would personally use the example of fake fitness products that show up when searching for fitness tips online. After you discuss the example, give a powerful explanation on how or why it supports your thesis, even if the connection seems obvious for you.

Lastly, because you will be adding more sentences if you follow the first two suggestions, I would reduce the amount of ideas you use in your supporting paragraphs to two main ideas; one for each paragraph. I believe having less but more detailed ideas will increase your overall band score on the IETLS. I would probably omit the section in your second paragraph that mentions limited time products.

I hope this helps you in some way. Let me know if you have any other ideas.

Bas

Thanks for such a detailed reply. The thing with my introduction is that I try to follow the structure of simon-ielts, his introductions just state whether you think something is right or wrong. and then discuss it in the body paragraphs. With regards to your other two suggestions, I surely will try to make examples more personal next time. Thanks a lot, I just learned what I was doing wrong, which is using bit too many brief ideas.

Lastly can you please give me an example of "After you discuss the example, give a powerful explanation on how or why it supports your thesis, even if the connection seems obvious for you.
"

Regards

[bas]

Coincidentally, I used Simon's essay structure on my last IELTS exam too. I was aiming for an 8 but I ended up with a 7 unfortunately. After learning about Ryan's essay structure, I believe his version is better suited for me with my writing style and I feel like his has better cohesion throughout the essay. However, just use which ever one suits you better.

For your last question, let me give you an example. On one of my practice essays, I was using the topic of parking in a metropolitan city to convince the reader that using the train is more convenient. Here is my paragraph for that.

"Secondly, finding parking while driving a vehicle is a difficult procedure. For instance, the parking garages in the Central Business District of Sydney are sparse and generally full during business hours. Because of this, it can be a stressful process finding a spot to leave a car. Trains offer an alternative solution to bypass this unwanted scenario."

It is probably not the best example out there but it's the only one I have at the moment. This essay was following Ryan's essay structure, which does a good job of explaining how to connect an example to your main thesis. He has a lot of content on this topic on his blog, videos and ebook, here is one example he has http://ieltsielts.com/is-it-ok-to-make- ... lts-essay/

I hope this helps.

Bas

[terry3218]

Coincidentally, I used Simon's essay structure on my last IELTS exam too. I was aiming for an 8 but I ended up with a 7 unfortunately. After learning about Ryan's essay structure, I believe his version is better suited for me with my writing style and I feel like his has better cohesion throughout the essay. However, just use which ever one suits you better.

For your last question, let me give you an example. On one of my practice essays, I was using the topic of parking in a metropolitan city to convince the reader that using the train is more convenient. Here is my paragraph for that.

"Secondly, finding parking while driving a vehicle is a difficult procedure. For instance, the parking garages in the Central Business District of Sydney are sparse and generally full during business hours. Because of this, it can be a stressful process finding a spot to leave a car. Trains offer an alternative solution to bypass this unwanted scenario."

It is probably not the best example out there but it's the only one I have at the moment. This essay was following Ryan's essay structure, which does a good job of explaining how to connect an example to your main thesis. He has a lot of content on this topic on his blog, videos and ebook, here is one example he has http://ieltsielts.com/is-it-ok-to-make- ... lts-essay/

I hope this helps.

Bas

Thanks a million. I'll look into Ryan's material as well. But do you thinkyou only got 7 because of simon's structure or do you think there could have been other reasons?

[bas]

No, I doubt it was Simon's structure that got me a 7. I know I wasn't using good examples in that writing and I could have improved my coherence and cohesion as well.

I think Ryan's essays have more cohesion and is easier to write after studying both structures so I just wanted to let you know my opinion. My IELTS exam is this Saturday so I will find out in a few weeks how well I do using Ryan's method.

[terry3218]

No, I doubt it was Simon's structure that got me a 7. I know I wasn't using good examples in that writing and I could have improved my coherence and cohesion as well.

I think Ryan's essays have more cohesion and is easier to write after studying both structures so I just wanted to let you know my opinion. My IELTS exam is this Saturday so I will find out in a few weeks how well I do using Ryan's method.

Actually I did a bad job explaining my question, what I meant to ask was that, was it simon's structure that stopped you from getting 8 bands?

P.s best of luck for your ielts test.

[bas]

If you frame it that way, then I believe it did. Maybe I didn't fully understand Simons method before I took that exam but I didn't get the impression that specific examples and cohesion between the paragraphs are required for a high band score from Simon. I suppose if you study both methods and come up with a mix of the best ideas between the two, you could do well.

However, i will probably stick to Ryan's way for now. His ebook was a real eye-opener for me, and definitely worth it at $15. I would highly recommend it. Ryan was even kind enough to answer some of my questions by email after purchasing it.