Please evaluate my writing.

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Prams
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:25 pm

Please evaluate my writing.

Post by Prams »

Topic: Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

Essay:
In this modern era, technology is playing a very vital role in every aspects of our life. This is quite apparent in public libraries, where book are day by day getting replaced by high-tech media. It is not agreed that the limited resources of the public libraries will be wasted if used for high-tech media and the same should be utilized for books. This very fact can be easily proved by analyzing how high-tech media can ease the access to the books and reduce the monotonous way of reading.

Firstly by changing the public library from traditional books-on-the-shelf style to modern high-tech one can actually open up avenues for on the run access. For instance even if a user wants to access a library material from outside library they can easily go to the online sites and get hold of the required material. Which in a way makes it easily accessible to the users and this service simply cannot be catered by a traditional library. Thus the costs involved in high-tech libraries are fruitful.

Moreover, the use of high-tech media like software, videos or DVDs are very important as they are helpful in negating the monotonous way of traditional reading. A world wide survey has proved the fact that a normal human being is 70% more attracted towards images/videos than a plain text. Thus after stating this we can very easily make a claim that the public libraries should promote for high-tech progression.

Following the analysis of the advantages of high-tech library over a tradition library we can safely conclude that the resource used by public library for high-tech media are not a waste and the same should be encouraged. It is expected that more public libraries around the world will follow the footsteps of high-tech advancement.


Thanks!
Last edited by Prams on Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Prams
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:25 pm

Re: Please evaluate my writing.

Post by Prams »

If possible also give the essay an approx band score. I am still a beginner for IELTS, I need at least band 7-7.5
Any suggestion to improve will be highly appreciated!
terry3218
Posts: 107
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 3:34 pm

Re: Please evaluate my writing.

Post by terry3218 »

Prams wrote:If possible also give the essay an approx band score. I am still beginner for IELTS, I need at least band 7-7.5
Any suggestion to improll be highly appreciated!
As far as I'm concerned, this essay would score at least 7 possibly even 8. But I'm no Ielts marker, neither am I a guru by any stretch of imagination. Anyways I have noticed that you use Ryan's structure, am I right?
Prams
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 6:25 pm

Re: Please evaluate my writing.

Post by Prams »

terry3218 wrote:
Prams wrote:If possible also give the essay an approx band score. I am still beginner for IELTS, I need at least band 7-7.5
Any suggestion to improll be highly appreciated!
As far as I'm concerned, this essay would score at least 7 possibly even 8. But I'm no Ielts marker, neither am I a guru by any stretch of imagination. Anyways I have noticed that you use Ryan's structure, am I right?

Hi Terry,

You are absolutely right, I have used Ryan's structure. Recently I started preparing for IELTS and in the process I saw some of the Ryan's videos. Instantly I become a huge fan of Ryan. It is his videos which taught me how to structure my writing, before watching them I had no clue how to write something!

Anyways, can I have any suggestion for improvement? Areas where I am lacking/Scope of improvement?

Anybody can comments. Any criticism will be accepted.

This is my first writing, I seriously need some motivation and guiding path.

Thanks!
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