Kindly evaluate my first essay.

[virzen0102]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The two pie charts show the comparison of online shopping sales in different retail sectors as purchased by the Canadian consumers in the year 2005 and 2010.
In 2005, electronics and appliance sector has its own bigger share which accounts to 35% but it went down to 30% in 2010. Meanwhile, 25% of online shoppers purchased home furnishings in 2005 but there was a decline by as much as 10% after 5 years. Food and beverage came on 3rd spot in 2005 which has 22% in sales and has greatly increased to 32% by 2010. Lastly, video games has its own share of 18% and in a span of half a decade it grows to 23%.
Overall, it is clearly visible that there was a significant changes in 2005 and 2010 in regards to online shopping of different retail sectors in Canada. The top two retail sector in both years are electronic and appliances while food and drinks together with home furnishings are tie on second place.

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
Do you agree or disagree?

Write at least 250 words.
Migration is define as movement of people from one place to another usually in another boundary or territory for the purpose of settling in permanently. It is a natural phenomenon happening in a developing nation where its citizens are continuously looking for a better opportunity outside their homeland.
There are several factors to be consider why different nationality are deciding to reside and work in developed countries. First, migrant people want a better life. Highly skilled individuals like engineers, accountants and healthcare professionals tend to have a better job offer in rich countries which they can’t resist. For instance, countries like China, India and Philippines are the top labor sending nation to affluent state. People should not be blame if they decided to grab this kind of opportunity. Clearly, job security is the main reason wherein they can support themselves and their family. Second, superior healthcare system that can provide advance medical treatment for all kinds of illnesses and subsidized by the government or insurance. Furthermore, they find migration as means of acquiring social stability compare on what their country can offer. Lastly, wealthy nation has its own top universities/colleges who can offer high quality education for their dependents to secure their future.
The sad reality of movement of people from one country to another is a result of blatant inability of its government to solve their social, economic and financial dilemma. I strongly agree that leaders of developing nations must have political will to eradicate poverty and corruption in order to minimize migration and improving the life of its citizen as well.

[virzen0102]

hello,

I know for a fact that there are some gramatical errors and I'm willing to accept any forms of suggestions that will improve my writing skill. Consctructive criticism is very much welcome. Thank you!

[Flick]

Hi Virzen0102,

It is very difficult to comment on your writing without the graphs. Can you attach them to your essays?

Thanks,
Flick

[virzen0102]

Hi flick.

Here is the chart for writing task 1. thank y

[Flick]

The two pie charts show the comparison of online shopping sales in different retail sectors as purchased by the Canadian consumers in the year 2005 and 2010.(<--Reword to: "The two pie charts compare online sales in Canada for various retail sectors in 2005 and 2010.")
In 2005, electronics and appliance sector has its own bigger share which accounts to 35% but it went down to 30% in 2010.(<--Reword to: "In 2005, electronics and appliances accounted for 35% of online sales, but this figure dropped to 30% in 2010.") Meanwhile, 25% of online shoppers purchased home furnishings in 2005 but there was a decline by as much as 10% after 5 years.(<--Reword to: "25% of online purchases in 2005 were for home furnishings. This figure was 15% in 2010.") Food and beverage came in 3rd in 2005 with 22% in sales, and has greatly increased to 32% by 2010. Lastly, video games accounted for 18% in 2005, and in a span of half a decade it grew to 23%.

Overall, it is clearly visible that there were significant changes in online shopping habits in Canada between 2005 and 2010. The top retail sector in both years is electronics and appliances, while food and drinks together with home furnishings are tied in second place.

[Flick]

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
Do you agree or disagree?

Write at least 250 words.

Migration is defined as the movement of people from one place to another, usually in another boundary or territory for the purpose of settling in permanently. It is a natural phenomenon happening in developing nations whose citizens are continuously looking for a better opportunity outside their homeland.

There are several factors to be considered when discussing why different nationalities are deciding to reside and work in developed countries. First, migrant people want a better life. Highly skilled individuals like engineers, accountants and healthcare professionals tend to have better job opportunities in rich countries which they can’t resist. For instance, countries like China, India and Philippines have many skilled workers leaving to work in other, more affluent countries. People should not be blamed if they decide to grab this kind of opportunity. Clearly, job security is the main reason wherein they can support themselves and their family.

Second, the availability ofsuperior healthcare systems that can provide advanced medical treatment for all kinds of illnesses and subsidized by the government or insurance is a huge benefit. Furthermore, they find migration as a means of acquiring social stability compared to what their country can offer. Lastly, wealthy nations have top universities/colleges which can offer high quality education for their dependents to secure their future.

The sad reality of the movement of people from one country to another is a result of the blatant inability of its government to solve their social, economic and financial dilemmas. I strongly agree that leaders of developing nations must focus on eradicating poverty and corruption in order to minimize migration and improve the lives of its citizen as well.

[virzen0102]

Hi flick

I really apreciate the evaluation you had made for my essay. I will send another piece of writing if it's alright with you. Thank you.

[virzen0102]

Task 2
Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of improving the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Human life is heavily dependent on our environment. Without the natural resources that we are consuming on our daily living, life will be difficult and miserable. The significance of making sure that our surroundings will be preserved is equivalent to our blood that serve as our lifeline.

The blatant destruction of our mother earth due to progressive development of human life have caused several consequences that we are experiencing at present time. For instance, global warming has become the major challenge that the world is facing right now. The catastrophic effects have lead to severe weather disturbances like strong typhoon, devastating cyclone, harsh winter months and massive drought. The Philippines has been badly experiencing the effects of this phenomenon causing many lives and destruction to agriculture. Recently, the north east coast of USA had suffered a record breaking snow fall that paralyzed the transportation, school and other social services. Meanwhile, the African continent has been struggling in the aftermath of severe drought that lead to massive starvation. Clearly, humans are the sole accountable in ravaging our nature. We must realize that the resources that we are harvesting must be given outmost importance and in fact we are the one who will benefit from these. Life on earth is a continuos cycle that every species has its own contibutions.

In conclusion, we have an obligation to take care of our natural resources not only to improve our quality of life but for the next generations to come. We must work together on how to preserve our environment.