Academic writing task 2

[Lealine]

Hi this is my first essay. I have to get a overall band of 6.5. What band do you think is my writing now? I appreciate any help and suggestion.
Thanks, Lea


Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disatvantages?


Foreign languages are a regular feature of secondary school timetables. Experts argue that by starting to learn a new language at primary school might help children to better success. It is believed though that the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages. This will be shown by analysing how the pressure of getting good grades and the difficulty of not confusing the foreign language with the childs mother tongue can cause serious problems for the students.

Firstly, it is quit clear that learning a language requires time and hard work and some children might get under to much presure, which is deconstructive and causes serious problems in many ways. This is very apparent when taking many tests and exams, as students get overloaded and instead of learning how to use grammar and vocabulary propably, there just memorise words and phrases. In higher classes students can deal better with high presure and therefor it is clear that it is better for children to learn foreign languages later on in life.

Furthermore, young children haven't developed a fully understandment of their mother tongue yet and thus might confuse the two languages without learning at least one of them properly. For example, children might learn new words without knowing there meaning in their mother tongue and therefor speak a mix of both languages. At secondary school students have a better repertoire of words and the problem of mixing languages can be avoided. Thus, it is obvious that foreign languages shouldn't be thought at primary school.

The analyzation of students problems when learning a language when there are still Young children makes clear that foreign languges shouldn't be a part of a young childs timetable. Of course, learning new languages is very important in today's society and should be part of everyones life- just not to early.

[Hasheys]

Foreign languages are a regular feature of secondary school timetables. Experts argue that learning a new language at primary school might help children to become successful in their future career. However, the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages which will be shown in the following paragraphs.

by analysing how the pressure of getting good grades and the difficulty of not confusing the foreign language with the childs mother tongue can cause serious problems for the students.

you can put this as your argument1 on the next paragraph. As much as possible try to limit your introduction to 2-3 sentence only.


Firstly, it is quite clear that learning new language requires time and hard work and as a consequence, some children might get extremely exhausted.This is very aypparent when taking many exams.

test and exam are synonyms

, as the brain of students become overloaded. Instead of learning how to use grammar and vocabulary properly, they just memorise words and phrases.

In higher classes students can deal better with high presure and therefor it is clear that it is better for children to learn foreign languages later on in life.

try reconstructing the sentence by citing an example to support the initial argument.

Furthermore, [*]young children

haven't

avoid contraction,better spell it fully like have not

yet develop their speaking ability of their mother tongue thus , they might confuse the two languages without learning at least one of them properly. For example, children might learn new words without even knowing the meaning in their

mother tounge=native language

make use of synonyms instead of repeating the same phrase or word

and therefore,the children tend to speak a mix of both language. At secondary school students have a better repertoire of words and the problem of mixing languages can be avoided. Thus, it is obvious that foreign languages should not be

thought is different from taught

taught=past participle or past tense of teach; also do not interchange the word there and their as it is not the same

at primary school.

[*]when beginning new paragraph it is better to introduce the topic on the first sentence as reference to the previous, no need for the supporting details if already introduced on 1st part of paragraph... Furthermore, children from primary school ....

[*]

The analyzation of students problems when learning a language when there are still Young children makes clear that foreign languges shouldn't be a part of a young childs timetable. Of course, learning new languages is very important in today's society and should be part of everyones life- just not to early.

try reconstructing the conclusion. You may introduce phrases like To sum up, To put it in a nutshell, I therefore conclude, etc. as a hint that it is already your conclusion. never introduce new idea on the last part.simply summarize it. 1-2sentence will do.

Another tip is that, if the essay is an advantage and disadvantage task, you can discuss both as argument 1 and 2. Just see to it that it has balance sentence like if you give example on argument 1, do the same thing on argument2. Avoid long introduction so as not to become off tooic. Discuss or answer the question if asked.

Overall i will rate this as 6-6.5. A little more practice though and never interchange modifiers with another meaning like they and there or their etc...GOOD LUCK!

[Lealine]

Thanks a lot!