Help evaluate my writing

[Sahsah]

I did a GT Writing practice test (task 1 and 2) just now, timed myself for 60 mins. Below is what I have written. Kindly evaluate. Will appreciate your comments for improvement. Thanks!

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Task 1: Your neighbors have recently written you to complain about the noise from your house.
Write a letter to your neighbors. In your letter
-explain the reasons for the noise
-apologise
-describe what action you will take
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Dear neighbors,

I got your letter letting us know about the inconvenience that caused you of the noise coming from construction work at our front yard. The noise has been emitted by the grinding and cutting machines.

The repair work is being hastened to have the pavement done before my daughter’s birthday next week. It’ll only take three days more from today and it’ll be completed. Please bear with it a little bit. I know it is not just you who suffer from the loud sounds of the machines. At a certain point, my household also has been bothered by noise. But as you see we can’t stop the construction project at this point.

Don’t worry, I will talk to the contractor of the construction project to limit using the machines especially during the evening and on the weekend when you are all at home. I know it is a sacred time to be at the house and just relax peacefully. Again, I’m sorry for the trouble.

Best regards,
Sahsah


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Task 2:
Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.
How do you think children should spend their free time?
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These days, kids spend a lot of time after school. There are medium of teaching now-a-days that are left for students as take home work. However, there are people who are not in favor of letting children use their extra time at their liberty. There are reasons why supervised time and training them how to manage their time is essential to improve their studying discipline.

It is believed that when children are left unattended during their free time, it is expected that they have the tendency to play. For example, when arriving from school, some kids go straight to their computer console or hold on to their ipads or tablets to play games. The best way to keep them focused is to look after them during these hours of the day.

Other activities contribute to the wellbeing of every human, especially to kids in their growing years, like time for leisure, rest and play. This is why it is important that as an early stage, they should be taught how to manage their time. For instance, a time table of daily activities can be made for them particularly including the things they wanted to do. In this manner, they will be able to enjoy things they wanted without compromising the time to study.

Following all that were presented, the usage of free time is important when spent for studying but also essential to incorporate other relaxing activities to unwind. Time that is spent wisely in proportion with little enjoyable leisure activities which can help to social and emotional health of children are equally important. Therefore, helping children to form a habit of monitoring their activities during their free time will effectively support their time to study.

[Sahsah]

So sad. Nobody commented on my post. It is posted for 3 days. I can see there were 15 who peeked on it but no one bothered to give an advice. So sad