Please evaluate my writing. 3rd Essay

[Prams]

Dear Sir Matthew,
Could you please evaluate my this writing.
I tried incorporating your previous comments.

Topic:
Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in 'real world' before they start higher education.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.


Essay:
Higher education is the precursor to success in today's competitive world. Thus, every individual want to have a professional degree after schooling. After higher secondary, whether one should directly go to a university, or he/she should take a break before higher education, has always sparked a highly intense debate. In my opinion a break is very much important for professional growth, at the same time it also helps in increasing focus at studies.

Firstly, it is very apparent that in order to reduce training cost, companies nowadays prefer skilled professional rather than a mere fresher. Thus, break in studies and investing the same time for gaining a relevant experience, will make the students prepared for the professional challenges. Take for instance, the Indian IT giant "Infosys", which annually fire almost 20% of fresher hired by them. This number can be highly reduced if the employees are already trained for the job. Hence, it can be easily stated that the gap-year taken by students, when invested for proper training, will help them in future.

Moreover, after 12-14 years of rigorous studying, a gap-year would act as a refresher for the students. They can plan their future studies in the meantime. Talking about my personal experience; my elder brother after his 12th standard in science, was fully prepared to have an honors degree in Mathematics, as Math was the subject which had always excited him. But, after having one year training in an IT company, he realized the scope in IT field. The professional growth in IT was exponential as compared to a linear growth in the field of Math. Thus, after rejoining his studies he went for an Engineering degree in "Computer Science", which catalyzed his career growth. Today, he is well settled, and is drawing a handsome salary! Now, after stating this we can easily say that the gap-year can work wonders, with respect to decision making of a student.

After analyzing the above points, we are in a position to safely conclude that, gap-year is something which every student should opt for. This will be helpful in terms of professional growth and planning their future. It is also believed that in the coming future, more and more students will take a break from studies before joining the university and will invest that gap for getting themselves trained.

Thanks!

[Prams]

Also please give an approx band score for this writing.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Much too long = about 394 words. About 6-6.5. Focus on grammar through useful self-study, such as: "https://www.englishclub.com/grammar", and/or get a teacher.

Higher education is the precursor to success in today's competitive world. Thus, every individual ("wants") want to have a professional degree after schooling. After higher secondary, whether one should directly go to a university, or ("..take a...") he/she should take a break before higher education, has always sparked a highly intense debate. In my opinion a break is very much important for professional growth, ("and") at the same time it also helps in increasing focus ("for") at studies.

Firstly, it is very apparent that in order to reduce training ("costs") cost, companies nowadays prefer skilled ("professionals") professional rather than a mere fresher. Thus, ("a") break in studies and investing the same time for gaining (no "a") a relevant experience, will make the students prepared for (no "the") the professional challenges. Take for instance, the Indian IT giant "Infosys", which annually ("fires") fire almost 20% of ("freshers") fresher hired by them. This number can be ("greatly") highly reduced if the employees are already trained for ("their") the job. Hence, it can be easily stated that the ("gap year") gap-year taken by students, when invested for proper training, will help them in future.

Moreover, after 12-14 years of rigorous studying, a ("gap year") gap-year would act as a refresher for the students. They can plan their future studies in the meantime. Talking about my personal experience(","); my elder brother after his 12th standard in science, was fully prepared to have an honors degree in ("mathematics") Mathematics, as ("maths") Math was the subject which had always excited him. But, after having one year training in an IT company, he realized the scope in ("the") IT field. The professional growth in IT was exponential as compared to a linear growth in the field of ("math") Math. Thus, after rejoining his studies he went for an ("engineering") Engineering degree in "Computer Science", which ("started"?) catalyzed his career growth. Today, he is well settled, and is drawing a handsome salary! Now, after stating this we can easily say that ("a gap year") the gap-year can work wonders, with respect to ("the") decision making of a student.

After analyzing the above points, we are in a position to safely conclude that, ("a gap year") gap-year is something which every student should opt for. This will be helpful in terms of professional growth and planning their future. It is also believed that in the coming future, ("increasingly students") more and more students will take a break from studies before joining ("a") the university and will invest that gap for getting themselves trained.

[Prams]

Hi,

Thanks for your valuable comments. Will keep those in mind for my future writings.
One critical mistake which I made in this particular writing is, writing "Math" in place of "math", "Engineering" in place of "engineering". I have a impression that these words are noun, and hence I wrote them in capitals.
This might be a very silly question but it would be great if you can just explain me the reason for them to be in smalls?

I googled for it, but unable to find any particular justification for it!

Again, thanks a lot for this evaluation.I truly appreciate this.

[Dr.Matthew]

Hi Prams, well, OnlineEnglishTeacher beat me to it and has done a superb job of the revision . In terms of your followup query, as far as I remember, the rule is this...unless the discipline (engineering) is made specific to an precise subject, then it should be lowercase...eg: "I want to study engineering [non-specific] when I finish high school." As opposed to: "What did you think of the lecturer in Engineering 101 at XYZ University?" Now, yes, as the name of a unique "thing" it needs to be recognized as a proper noun (cos there's only ONE subject of this type at a specific institution...it's unique and needs a capital). Hope that makes sense Well done Prams, another good effort, ye be well on your way imo.

[Prams]

Hi Matthews Sir,

Thanks a lot for your prompt response! Now, I got the exact difference. Your explanation was nice and cleared my doubt precisely. Will keep a note of this.
Will come up with few more writings, keeping in mind the points mentioned by both you and OnlineEnglishTeacher. This time my focus would be to reduce the length of my essay and come up with more grammatically correct sentences, as I noticed these are the major areas of concern for me.

Also, I would like to mention this to all the forum users. Please follow the "exact" instructions given by our mentors. They are very really very helpful for our improvement.

Thanks again!

[soweczka]

Hi, for me is quait good but i'm not an expert