The table illustrates the percentage of different types of poor families in Australia in 1999, The proportion of people from different household various from each other
It is clear that for the sole parent, people who live in poverty have the highest percentage in this type of family. By contrast, there are only four percentage people suffered the poverty a among aged couple.
Further more, among all these hinds of families people who loves their life alone are more likely to suffered the poverty than the people living with their lover, The date shows that 6% single aged person and 19% single without children experienced tough time in 1999 while the date in aged couple and couple with no children is 4% and 7% respectively.
Overall, There were 11% people suffered from the poverty in Australia 1999.
Please evaluate this essay Academic writing --TASK 1
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Dr.Matthew
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Re: Please evaluate this essay Academic writing --TASK 1
The table illustrates the percentage of different types of poor families in Australia in 1999, The proportion of people from different household various from each other[punctuation?]
It is clear that for the sole parent, people who live in poverty have the highest percentage in this type of family
Further more, among all these hinds of families[,] people who loves their life alone are more likely to suffered the poverty than the people living with their lover, The date shows that 6% [of] single aged persons and 19% [of] singles without children experienced tough time[s] in 1999 while the date in aged couple[s] and couple[s] with no children is 4% and 7% respectively.
Overall, There were 11% people suffered from the poverty in Australia 1999.
Well, not a total disaster at all, BUT struggling to achieve much more than a 6. Perhaps even 5.5
. One of the interesting outcomes of reviewing this Task 1....please consider the "There are/is...." sentence forms. Often, the use of the expletive "There" is redundant. If you can use it effectively, then good, use it occasionally 
. However, as in this sample, this form causes problems. In Task 1. my advice is BE DIRECT, BE SPECIFC. You don't need to be TOO fancy....
1. Describe
2. Analyze
3. Compare
Task 1s are mostly about seeing who can write a report in a 'scientific/technical' register. Are scientists "fancy"? No, they get to the point
It is clear that for the sole parent, people who live in poverty have the highest percentage in this type of family
. By contrastthe meaning of this sentence is unclear
, [delete: there are] only four percentage [insert: of] people suffered the poverty a among aged couple[s].very good
Further more, among all these hinds of families[,] people who loves their life alone are more likely to suffered the poverty than the people living with their lover, The date shows that 6% [of] single aged persons and 19% [of] singles without children experienced tough time[s] in 1999 while the date in aged couple[s] and couple[s] with no children is 4% and 7% respectively.
Overall, There were 11% people suffered from the poverty in Australia 1999.
Well, not a total disaster at all, BUT struggling to achieve much more than a 6. Perhaps even 5.5
. One of the interesting outcomes of reviewing this Task 1....please consider the "There are/is...." sentence forms. Often, the use of the expletive "There" is redundant. If you can use it effectively, then good, use it occasionally . However, as in this sample, this form causes problems. In Task 1. my advice is BE DIRECT, BE SPECIFC. You don't need to be TOO fancy....1. Describe
2. Analyze
3. Compare
Task 1s are mostly about seeing who can write a report in a 'scientific/technical' register. Are scientists "fancy"? No, they get to the point