Please comment as I am confused in this question

[suju]

Q.Many people try to balance their working and personal lives in order to allow them more free time.More and more leisure activities are available to fill this time ,but they can be expensive .Meanwhile,family life is often said to be less valued than in the past .What do you think about the situation,and how do you think it will develop in the future.

Life without work cannot be imagined .It is universal that everyone have to work to full fill their necessities.However, no one can work continuously, all need free time to rejuvenate.In the same time, it has become hard for many people to afford for leisure activities.But,it is not agreed that family life is neglected in present time.This will be proved by how family members are successful to balance their family life by using less expensive leisure activities and managing enough time to spend with loved ones.
Many family members spend their free time in cost effective way.For instance, most parents take their children in restaurants to enjoy different cuisines as well as children are taken to nearby playing park ,where they do lots of physical activities that adds positive effects in their health,also they get chance to interact with friends,that eventually improve their social life.Above, example clearly shows that sensible use of free time can greatly benefit ,which high-priced activities cannot.Thus, people today have still maintained their family and work life.
These days,despite of having busy schedule people are even more focussed towards saving time to spend with family members.People out of their working hours are usually seen with their siblings.For illustration, particularly, couples frequently go abroad together to spend their holiday, where they have enough time to share love,affection , feelings.On the other hand, parents parents reduce their working hours and utilize this time caring and guiding their offspring.At present time, family members are seen to be more responsible among each other rather than in past.After, analysing this it is clear that family life is not ignored.
To sum up,following the analyzation of family members ability to maintain the family life .It is clear that even in fast pace of life people always have time for their family members.Thus, it is predicted that people will use effective alternatives to exclude expensive free time activities and family will be always first priority.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Q.Many people try to balance their working and personal lives in order to allow them more free time.More and more leisure activities are available to fill this time ,but they can be expensive .Meanwhile,family life is often said to be less valued than in the past .What do you think about the situation,and how do you think it will develop in the future.

Life without work cannot be imagined. It is universal that everyone ("has") have to work to ("fulfil") full fill their necessities.However, no one can work continuously, ("and") all need free time to rejuvenate. In the same time, it has become hard for many people to afford (no "for") for leisure activities.But,it is not agreed that family life is neglected in ("the") present time. This will be proved by how family members are successful to balance their family life by using less expensive leisure activities and managing enough time to spend with loved ones.
Many family members spend their free time in ("a") cost effective way.For instance, most parents take their children in restaurants to enjoy different cuisines as well as children are taken to nearby playing ("parks") park ,where they do lots of physical activities that ("add") adds positive effects in their health, ("and") also they get ("a") chance to interact with friends,that eventually improve their social life. ("The") Above, example clearly shows that sensible use of free time can greatly benefit ,which high-priced activities cannot.Thus, people today have still maintained their family and work life.
These days,despite (no "of") of having ("a") busy schedule people are even more focussed towards saving time to spend with family members.People out of their working hours are usually seen with their siblings. For ("an") illustration, particularly, couples frequently go abroad together to spend their holiday, where they have enough time to share love,affection, ("and") feelings.On the other hand, parents reduce their working hours and utilize this time caring and guiding their offspring. At ("the") present time, family members are seen to be more responsible among each other rather than in ("the") past.After(no ","), analysing this(",") it is clear that family life is not ignored.
To sum up,following the ("analysing") analyzation of family ("members' abilities") members ability to maintain the family life(",") .It is clear that even in ("the") fast pace of life people always have time for their family members.Thus, it is predicted that people will use effective alternatives to exclude expensive free time activities and family will be always ("the") first priority.

I thought your answer was alright generally and you need to focus on grammar.

Q.Many people try to balance their working and personal lives in order to allow them more free time.More and more leisure activities are available to fill this time ,but they can be expensive .Meanwhile,family life is often said to be less valued than in the past .What do you think about the situation,and how do you think it will develop in the future.

Life without work cannot be imagined .It is universal that everyone have to work to full fill their necessities.However, no one can work continuously, all need free time to rejuvenate.In the same time, it has become hard for many people to afford for leisure activities.But,it is not agreed that family life is neglected in present time.This will be proved by how family members are successful to balance their family life by using less expensive leisure activities and managing enough time to spend with loved ones.
Many family members spend their free time in cost effective way.For instance, most parents take their children in restaurants to enjoy different cuisines as well as children are taken to nearby playing park ,where they do lots of physical activities that adds positive effects in their health,also they get chance to interact with friends,that eventually improve their social life.Above, example clearly shows that sensible use of free time can greatly benefit ,which high-priced activities cannot.Thus, people today have still maintained their family and work life.
These days,despite of having busy schedule people are even more focussed towards saving time to spend with family members.People out of their working hours are usually seen with their siblings.For illustration, particularly, couples frequently go abroad together to spend their holiday, where they have enough time to share love,affection , feelings.On the other hand, parents parents reduce their working hours and utilize this time caring and guiding their offspring.At present time, family members are seen to be more responsible among each other rather than in past.After, analysing this it is clear that family life is not ignored.
To sum up,following the analyzation of family members ability to maintain the family life .It is clear that even in fast pace of life people always have time for their family members.Thus, it is predicted that people will use effective alternatives to exclude expensive free time activities and family will be always first priority.

[suju]

Thanks lot, I will try my best.