Want to get 7+. Is it okay?

[faruk079]

Question: Some people say that the government should pay the tuition fees for university students, do you agree or disagree?
Answer: Education is one of the precursors for a nation to be developed. The government of every country should emphasize on this sector by providing larger amount of money from the country’s economic budget. The government must pay the charge of those university students who are not only able to prove themselves as more rewarding but also are incapable to bear the cost of education. Also, the private industries might play a key role in this regard. The next paragraphs will outline the way how my supported statements can be executed in an effective way.
Firstly, getting admission in a university is very difficult nowadays. Thus, the students who are competent to prove themselves by doing more satisfactory results in the admission exam would be listed for scholarship from the government. Secondly, the previously provided statement about fiscal conditions of every student must be assessed by the authority. After that, some short listed candidates will be elected for the scholarships. However, the government might also provide partial scholarship to the deserving candidates. Finally, both private and government organizations must come forward to invest for research and development in universities which will flourish their business by inventing several new products as well as the university ranking will be accelerated globally.
On par with the above explanation, I would state about BUET from where I accomplished my graduation, experienced the system explained above. I got about eighty percent studentship on total cost of my graduation while other twenty percent was managed by acting as research assistantship in a project funded by a renowned private company .
To conclude, government along with private industries must come forward to spend more money to ensure proper study, research and inventions which will lead to a prosperous country.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Quite good - focus on increasing the complexity of the beginning of sentences: http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/stu ... -sentences - and careful of some grammar.

Question: Some people say that the government should pay the tuition fees for university students, do you agree or disagree?
Answer: Education is one of the precursors for a nation to be developed. The government of every country should emphasize (no "on"?) on this sector by providing larger ("amounts") amount of money from the country’s economic budget. The government must pay the charge of those university students who are not only able to prove themselves as more rewarding(",") but also are incapable to bear the cost of education. Also, the private industries might play a key role in this regard. The next paragraphs will outline the way how my supported statements can be executed in an effective way.
Firstly, getting admission in a university is very difficult nowadays. Thus, the students who are competent to prove themselves by ("getting") doing more satisfactory results in the admission exam would be listed for ("a") scholarship from the government. Secondly, the previously provided statement about fiscal conditions of every student must be assessed by the authority. After that, some ("shortlisted") short listed candidates will be elected for the scholarships. However, the government might also provide ("a") partial scholarship to the deserving candidates. Finally, both private and government organizations must come forward to invest for research and development in universities which will ("improve"?) flourish their business by inventing several new products as well as the university ranking will be accelerated globally.
("Similar to the..."?) On a par with the above explanation, I would ("mention BUET") state about BUET from where I ("gained") accomplished my graduation, ("and") experienced the system explained above. I got about eighty percent studentship ("of the") on total cost of my graduation while ("the") other twenty percent was managed by acting as ("a") research assistantship in a project funded by a renowned private company.
To conclude, government along with private industries must come forward to spend more money to ensure proper study, research and inventions which will lead to a prosperous country.

[faruk079]

Would you please tell me the probable band score which I might get? Thanks.

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

Would you please tell me the probable band score which I might get? Thanks.

Quite a lot of grammar errors, so unlikely to be above 6.5 perhaps for at least some examiners.

[swirusek]

I can agree with that, maybe even 6.0