kindly check my wirting task 2, rate the score (require 6)

[cantonatulus]

The Effects of Whitening Products

Whitening products in the shape of pills and lotions are incredibly popular and are widely used for beauty purposes, especially in places like Asia. Despite the benefits of healthier looking skin, whitening products have drawbacks that can damage individuals or even the society.
To begin, we should know that people uses whitening products because they believe that white skin is much more desirable than darker skin. As in historical facts, people who have higher status, such as kings, queens, ministers, and presidents tended to stay indoors, whilst those who have lower status, such as laborers, sellers, farmers used to work outdoors. As a result, those who stayed indoors have whiter skin meanwhile people spending a lot of time outdoors have darker skin. This leads to the belief that anyone who has whiter skin is the one with higher status. Another reason is the desire to have the same silky skin with one’s idol. For example, plastic surgery for longer nose and non-freckle face is common in Asia, and the white skin is part of this. These images are also shown in media, where artists appear to be white and are more successful and attractive.
However, despite the fact that having whiter skin increases one’s self-esteem, whitening products have their negative effects. Whitening pills have strong ingredients that can inflict serious damage temporarily or even permanently to one’s body, the satisfying effect of these pills can also consume users to live in dependency that may lead to overdose. Meanwhile, whitening lotions can cause rashes or worse, skin cancer, as they might consists of dangerous chemicals, such as mercury. In terms of society, the worship of white skin has detrimental effects, and thus those with darker skin may experience discrimination.
In conclusion, the belief of having whiter skin is better than darker skin should be addressed immediately, before more victims caused by health problems and discrimination increase.

[borowik]

for me it's ok. I cane rate that to 6+ and later i'll send you review of mistakes

[Flick]

The Effects of Whitening Products

Whitening products in the form of pills and lotions are incredibly popular and are widely used for beauty purposes, especially in places like Asia. Despite the benefits of healthier looking skin, whitening products have drawbacks that can damage individuals and even society.

To begin, people uses whitening products because they believe that white skin is much more desirable than darker skin. Historically, people with higher status, such as kings, queens, ministers, and presidents tended to stay indoors, whilst those with lower status, such as laborers, sellers,and farmers used to work outdoors. As a result, those who stayed indoors had whiter skin, while people spending a lot of time outdoors had darker skin. This led to the belief that anyone with whiter skin had higher status.

Another reason is the desire to have the same silky skin as one’s idol. For example, plastic surgery for a longer nose and no freckles is common in Asia; and white skin is part of this. These images are also shown in the media, where artists appear to be white and are successful and attractive.

However, despite the fact that having whiter skin increases one’s self-esteem, whitening products have their negative effects. Whitening pills have strong ingredients that can inflict serious damage temporarily or even permanently to one’s body. The satisfying effect of these pills can also cause users to live in dependency that may lead to overdose. Meanwhile, whitening lotions can cause rashes or worse, skin cancer, as they might consist of dangerous chemicals, such as mercury. In terms of society, the worship of white skin has detrimental effects, and thus those with darker skin may experience discrimination.

In conclusion, the belief that whiter skin is better than darker skin should be addressed immediately, before more victims of health problems and discrimination occur.