Hi, everyone!
I've been practicing with essay-writing lately and here are some results to be evaluated.
First I must confess I've spent more than an hour for this task, thinking up the story, but it's OK as long as I'm just practicing now.
Also, I spent some time studying the problem (Task 2) in the Internet because I'd known very little about this.
And I've never passed IELTS before, so I believe you can suggest me something!
Thank you in advance.
IELTS 8.2
Task 1
You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
Describe the problem with the equipment
Explain what happened when you phoned the shop
Say what you would like the manager to do
Dear Sir or Madam, I purchased a microwave oven at your store 3 days ago. As long as I ordered it in the Internet, I had not a chance to examine the equipment. I got the parcel and took it home, but when I tried to plug it in and prepare some food, I noticed that horrible noise coming from the inside. What is more, the outside of the oven heats drastically, which I know for sure is not common for the equipment like that. When I phoned the store, a shop assistant told me that I would have to take the oven to a service center to be diagnosed within 5-7 days and refused to replace it immediately. That is the problem because I need it now. Perhaps, it should be possible to replace the item or pay a refund for that. I would like you to consider all the possibilities to solve the problem. All the documents such as warranty and receipt are enclosed. I have kept the box and all the papers inside it, so it is not going to be a problem. Thank you for understanding in advance.
Best regards, Andreas.
Task 2
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, different approaches to children’s education exist. In some schools, it is accepted to educate boys and girls separately, in other – together. There have been conducted many studies on the issue, but educational psychologists are still divided over the final resolution. Certainly, there are advantages and disadvantages of both approaches.
In fact, human beings of both sexes live, work and solve problems together in real life. In this regard, it seems natural for young boys and girls to attend the same school and study together. In such mixed schools, children get experience in dealing with opposite sex from an early age overtaking patterns of behavior accepted in a certain society, which might help them in the future home life. Besides, studying together eliminates gender stereotypes, provides plenty of communication among schoolchildren of both sexes through discussions in classes and gives additional stimuli to make a good impression and be appealed by the opposite sex through better performance in classes.
However, recent studies have proved that boys and girls perceive education differently, which is considered as scientific approval for single-sex education. Children of different sex might require different conditions to get the best from classes. On top of that, children are more concentrated on a subject when studying separately. This can be a problem in mixed classes, where secondary school children can feel sexual urge to the members of the opposite sex. That can be a serious source of distractions that is eliminated in separate schools. Another issue can be boys’ mistaken adoption of girls’ patterns of behavior and vice versa, which once again does not exist in single-sex education. There are also benefits for female pupils in girls’ schools that study there more independently not relying on stronger sex and, furthermore, can achieve better results in career or business.
In my opinion, there should be found a compromise between both types of schools to eliminate drawbacks of each approach. For example, boys and girls might attend the same school but study in different classrooms, so that they could see each other and socialize together at recess. Special classes can be organized for both boys and girls to learn them understand each other and resolve issues together. Furthermore, educational technology should be taken into account. Otherwise, education can be ineffective regardless of the type of the school.
Total: 386 words Thank you for your attention and best regards!
You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
Describe the problem with the equipment
Explain what happened when you phoned the shop
Say what you would like the manager to do
Dear Sir or Madam,
I purchased a microwave oven at your store 3 days ago. As long as I ordered it in the Internet, I had not a chance to examine the equipment.(<--Reword to: "As I ordered it online, I did not have a chance to examine the equipment.") I got the parcel and took it home, but when I tried to plug it in and prepare some food, I noticed that horrible noise coming from the inside.(<--Reword to: "When I received the microwave, I plugged it in to prepare some food. Immediately, an odd noise started.") What is more, the outside of the oven heats drastically, which I know is not common for this equipment. When I phoned the store, a shop assistant told me that I would have to take the oven to a service center to be diagnosed within 5-7 days, and refused to replace it immediately. That is the problem because I need it now.(<--Reword to: "I cannot wait for 5-7 days as I need this microwave immediately.") Perhaps, it should be possible to replace the item or pay a refund for that.(<--Reword to: "Is it possible for the item to be replaced or refunded?") I would like you to consider all the possibilities to solve the problem. All the documents such as warranty and receipt are enclosed. I have kept the box and all the papers inside it, so it is not going to be a problem. Thank you for understanding in advance.
terry3218 wrote:Hi, don't you think '386 words' is too long?
Yeah, I do. The thing is that it was my first essay and I just tried to express my thoughts worrying only about grammar and content and not paying attention to the length.
I'll try to condense it and apply some of tips and hints from this forum.
Thank you for your participation!
terry3218 wrote:Hi, don't you think '386 words' is too long?
Yeah, I do. The thing is that it was my first essay and I just tried to express my thoughts worrying only about grammar and content and not paying attention to the length.
I'll try to condense it and apply some of tips and hints from this forum.
Thank you for your participation!
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many different approaches to children’s education exist. In some schools, it is accepted to educate boys and girls separately, in others, children are taught together. There have been conducted many studies on the issue, but educational psychologists are still divided over the final resolution.(<--Reword to: "Many studies have been conducted on this issue, but education psychologists are still divided over the final resolution.") Certainly, there are advantages and disadvantages to both approaches.
Human beings of both sexes live, work and solve problems together in real life. In this regard, it seems natural for young boys and girls to attend the same school and study together. In such mixed schools, children gain experience in dealing with the opposite sex from an early age, learning patterns of behavior accepted in society, which will help them in the future. Besides, studying together eliminates gender stereotypes, provides plenty of communication between schoolchildren of both sexes through discussions in classes, and gives additional stimuli to make a good impression and be comfortable with the opposite sex.
However, recent studies have proved that boys and girls perceive education differently, which is considered as scientific backing for single-sex education. Boys and girls might require different conditions to get the best from classes. On top of that, children are more focused on a subject when studying separately. This can be a problem in mixed classes, where secondary school children start puberty and are easily distracted. That can be a serious source of distractions that is eliminated in separate schools.(<--Reword to: "This can be remedied by having single sex schools.") Another issue can be boys’ mistaken adoption of girls’ patterns of behavior and vice versa, which once again does not exist in single-sex education. There are also benefits for female pupils in girls’ schools that study there more independently, not relying on the stronger sex and, furthermore, can achieve better results in their career.
In my opinion, there should be found a compromise between both types of schools to eliminate drawbacks of each approach. For example, boys and girls might attend the same school but study in different classrooms, so that they can see each other and socialize together at recess. Special classes can be organized for both boys and girls to teach them to understand each other and resolve issues together. Furthermore, educational technology should be taken into account. Otherwise, education can be ineffective regardless of the type of the school.
Total: 386 words Thank you for your attention and best regards!
Thank you Flick for such the deep analysis! With your help, I've detected weak points of my writing style and I started to really learn how to write gorgeous essays.
I'll certainly carry out an analysis of other essays that you've rectified, before I appear here with a new one so as not to repeat other students' mistakes.
Huge hug!
