Please evaluate my essay

[jotape]

Some people get into dept buying things they don’t need and can’t afford
What are the reasons for his behavior?
Today, the consumerism is an important part of our modern society.-This has been seen in the rise of new sources of marketing on TV, internet and radio and the enhance in availability throughout credit cards to but it. This has created an uncontrolled behavior in people who buying things useless in daily life or are highly expensive to purchase in a medium income salary.
These arguments will be analyzed prior to a reasoned conclusion
The main reason why I think people buying unnecessary things is the increasing of advertising and marketing, throughout spots which do unrealistic promises of their products . For example, people believe that brands like chanel and Gucci bring them status and style and pay excessive sums of money to obtain them.
Another reason is the credit ease that some agencies gives to people which has access to many sources of consume like internet.- For instance, now internet permits buying to one click from any part of the world at any time of the day
In conclusion, the improvements in commercialization and globalization have brought harmful consequences in people, especially in the exaggerate consume capacity and the risk of over dept .For all of this, is necessary the control of people who waste money in useless things and the companies which use fake marketing to convince them to buy their products.

[Flick]

Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t afford What are the reasons for his behavior?

Today, consumerism is an important part of our modern society. This has been seen in the rise of new sources of marketing on TV, internet and radio and the enhance in availability throughout credit cards to but it.(<--Reword to: "This is obvious given the rise of marketing on TV, the Internet and radio, and the ease in which people can access credit cards.") This has created an uncontrolled behavior in people who buying things useless in daily life or are highly expensive to purchase in a medium income salary.(<--Reword to: "This has led to uncontrollable spending in people buying luxury items they cannot afford.") This behavior will be analyzed prior to a reasoned conclusion.

The main reason why I think people buying unnecessary things is the increasing of advertising and marketing, throughout spots which do unrealistic promises of their products .(<--Reword to: "The main reason spending is increasing is due to the increase in advertising and marketing of consumer goods.") For example, people believe that brands like Chanel and Gucci bring them status and style, so they are willing to pay excessive sums of money to obtain them.

Another reason is the credit ease that some agencies gives to people which has access to many sources of consume like internet.(<--Reword to: "Another reason is the ease in which items can be purchased.") For instance, now internet permits buying to one click from any part of the world at any time of the day(<--Reword to: "For instance, products can be bought online with a simple click of a button from any part of the world at any time of the day.")

In conclusion, the improvements in commercialization and globalization have brought harmful consequences to people, especially when it comes to consumerism and falling into debt. For all of this, is necessary the control of people who waste money in useless things and the companies which use fake marketing to convince them to buy their products.(<--Reword to: "People need to learn to control their finances and not be fooled by companies trying to convince consumers to buy their products.")