Please evaluate my essay (targeting 7 band)

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asadurk
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Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 8:32 pm

Please evaluate my essay (targeting 7 band)

Post by asadurk »

Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in 'real world' before they start higher education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Dr. Matthew, can you please evaluate this essay and please tell me what band can I achieve with this essay.


It’s believed that getting experience before higher education aid students to understand the courses easily and effectively as compared to the fresh students. On the other hand it’s also believed that fresh students can take more benefit due to their learning curiosity. In my point of view that there are some prerequisite qualities that helps both types of students to get more benefit from the university courses. In the coming lines, I will discuss the two point of views along with prerequisite qualities that help both type of students in studies and will also give example from my personal experience.

Firstly, Industry experienced student can get more benefit only on their specialized subject as higher education degree consist of several specialized subjects. For example in Computer Science there are several sub-disciplines like programming, databases, and networking. On the other hand, fresh students have more curiosity than experienced fellow. This is because experienced student focus only on their specialized subject while fresh students focus on all the subjects. But there are some prerequisite qualities that must exist in both types of students to get more benefit from the university course like learning power, personal interest in the subjects. Without these prerequisite qualities none of them get benefit. For illustration, if industry experienced student has low learning power than fresh student then certainly fresh student will get more benefit as compared to experienced student. But it’s true that experienced students can contribute more in the class in their specialized subject.

During my graduation, I had a chance to study with one fellow, who has more than 3 years of experience in software house. He has lot of responsibilities in his home because he has two dependents. This was a main reason he could not give enough times for studies. As a result he was behind us in the studies. On the other hand, we (fresh students) polish our skills with the help of his extra ordinary skills in programming (subject of computer science). In my point of view, experienced guys have to exert extra energy to manage their studies.

To conclude, above discussed prerequisite qualities should exist in both type of students to get more benefit. However, it’s true that students with industry experience can contribute more in their specialized subject.
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Flick
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Re: Please evaluate my essay (targeting 7 band)

Post by Flick »

asadurk wrote:Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in 'real world' before they start higher education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

It’s believed that gaining experience before entering higher education helps students to understand the courses easily and effectively as compared to fresh students. On the other hand, it’s also believed that fresh students can get more benefit due to their learning curiosity. In my point of view, there are some prerequisite qualities that help both types of students to gain more benefit from their university courses. In this essay, I will discuss the two points of view along with prerequisite qualities that help both type of students in studies and will also provide an example from my personal experience.

Firstly, industry experienced students can get more benefit only on their specialized subject, as higher education consists of several specialized subjects. For example, in Computer Science there are several sub-disciplines like programming, databases, and networking. On the other hand, fresh students have more curiosity than the experienced students. This is because experienced students focus only on their specialized subject while fresh students focus on all the subjects. But there are some prerequisite qualities that must exist in both types of student to get more benefit from the university course like learning power and personal interest in the subjects. Without these prerequisite qualities none of them receive any benefit. If industry experienced students have poorer learning abilities than fresh students, then certainly the fresh students will get more benefit. But it’s true that experienced students can contribute more in the class in their specialized subject.

During my graduation, I had a chance to study with one fellow who had more than 3 years of experience in a software house. He had a lot of responsibilities in his home because he had two children. This was the main reason he could not give enough time to his studies. As a result, he fell behind. On the other hand, we (fresh students) polished our skills with the help of his extraordinary skills in programming. In my view, experienced people have to exert extra energy to manage their studies.

To conclude, the above discussed prerequisite qualities should exist in both types of student to get the most benefit. However, it’s true that students with industry experience can contribute more in their specialized subject.
asadurk
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 8:32 pm

Re: Please evaluate my essay (targeting 7 band)

Post by asadurk »

Thanks flick for your valuable comments. I have written this essay again. Can you check it out and tell me what band can I get ???

Challenges in the under-graduation are related to practical field. Consequently, some people believe that getting experience, related to field, by traveling, aid students to learn and contribute more in the courses. However, some people including me believe that fresh students can acquire more knowledge due to learning curiosity. Both points of view and my personal experience will be discussed in coming lines.

Firstly, students with some experience are the big asset for the classroom as they cultivate the environment with their professional experience and absorb more knowledge than fresh students. However, this happens only when the subject being taught is the one they are doing the job in and not others. In the other disciplines, their performance is same as other students rather they have to give in more participation and stamina because of their busy schedule to understand.

On the contrary, the learning curiosity in the fresh students aids them to groom their academics more. The reason to this is that they do not decide their field in advance like experience students do. This makes them take interest in all the subjects and work hard to acquire more knowledge.

During my under-graduation period, I had a chance to study with one classmate that had already three years of experience before joining university. Their extraordinary knowledge of the programming reflects their skills during the class. But he was far behind us in academics as his interest lie only around programming. However, his friendly nature helped us to polish our skills in the programming subject.

After discussing all the arguments, we can conclude that students who are experienced participate only in the specialized subjects. While fresh students learn more due to their learning curiosity but their contribution in the class are relatively lower than experienced students.
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Flick
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Re: Please evaluate my essay (targeting 7 band)

Post by Flick »

asadurk wrote:
Challenges in the under-graduation are related to practical field.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Consequently, some people believe that getting experience related to their field by traveling helps students to learn and contribute more in the courses. However, some people, including myself, believe that fresh students can acquire more knowledge due to learning curiosity. Both points of view and my personal experience will be discussed in the coming lines.

Firstly, students with some experience are a big asset for the classroom as they cultivate the environment with their professional experience and absorb more knowledge than fresh students. However, this happens only when the subject being taught is the one they are doing their job in and not others. In the other disciplines, their performance is the same as other students; rather they have to give more participation and stamina because of their busy schedule to achieve the same results as fresh students.

On the other hand, the learning curiosity in fresh students aids them to commit to their academics more. The reason for this is that they have not decided their field in advance like experienced students have. This makes them take interest in all the subjects and work hard to acquire more knowledge.

During my under-graduate period, I had a chance to study with one classmate who had already three years of experience before joining university. His extraordinary knowledge of programming reflected their skills during the class. But he was far behind us in academics as his interest lay only around programming. However, his friendly nature helped us to polish our skills in the programming subject.

After discussing all the arguments, we can conclude that students who are experienced participate only in specialized subjects. While fresh students learn more due to their learning curiosity but their contribution in the class is relatively lower than experienced students.
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