GT, my 2 first essays written on the Ryan-Matthew Methodology

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Gelever
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Joined: Sun May 03, 2015 12:03 pm

GT, my 2 first essays written on the Ryan-Matthew Methodology

Post by Gelever »

Hi, guys!
Today I'm here to post my first 2 out of 10 essays on 'hot topics' needed to prepare for General Training exam. Essay are written according to the Ryan-Matthew Methodology :) (At least I really tried to keep to the Methodology 8-) ).
Both essays were improved after the first (failed) attempt. The initial drafts are available here:
1) http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4969
2) http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=5063
What I did to enhance my writings:
1) Tried to keep my sentences as short as possible without loosing the coherence, as Dr. Matthew suggested;
2) Tried to observe the etalon structure of each paragraph of the essay;
3) Tried to replace the common words such as 'use', 'people', 'but', etc. with the more 'academic words' and phrases;
4) Tried not to overdo with using 'exquisite words and phrases'.
What else? Perhaps, that's it.
Here are the essays:
Cambridge IELTS 8.2
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
My definitive answer:
Nowadays, many different approaches to children’s education exist. In some schools, it is accepted to educate boys and girls separately, in others, children are taught together. Many studies have been conducted on this issue, but educational psychologists are still divided over the final resolution. In this essay, advantages to both approaches will be analyzed to demonstrate how they can be incorporated to put schoolchildren in the most appropriate learning environment.

In real life, human beings of both sexes reside, work, bring up children and cope with life together. In this regard, it seems natural for young boys and girls to attend the same school to study in mixed classes. It is believed that coeducation eliminates gender stereotypes, provides plenty of communication between pupils of both sexes, and gives additional opportunities to deal with the opposite sex. In this case, it is understandable why mixed schools are so prevalent in many countries worldwide.

However, recent studies have suggested that boys and girls perceive education in a different way and require diverse conditions to get the best from classes. For example, female pupils achieve the highest results in physics and mathematics when studying separately from boys. Thus, schoolgirls become engaged in competition among themselves in subjects, in which schoolboys traditionally outperform them, to succeed. This demonstrates that the concept of single-sex schools has significant practical importance and is worthy of further research.

In summary, schools of both types have their strong and weak points. After analyzing benefits of each approach, we can deduce that a compromise between both types of schools should be found. For example, boys and girls might attend the same school but study in separate classrooms. This would allow schoolchildren to communicate with the opposite sex at recess. Additionally, special classes can be organized for pupils of both gender to teach them how to respect each other, reach an understanding and find ways of cooperating and compromising.

Total: 319
Vocabulary:
Mixed schools/separate schools
Co(-)education
Mixed-sex education/Single-sex education
Schooling
girls’ schools
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cambridge IELTS 9.2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
My definitive answer:
The idea of felicity has been interesting humanity since earliest times. There are different viewpoints on what age is the happiest time in human lives. Some believe that teenagers enjoy life the most while others insist that adulthood implicates the most happiness. In this paper, I intend to examine both statements in order to underpin the thesis that ‘happiness is just a fleeting state of mind’ that does not depend on age.

Adolescent years apparently can be enjoyable time in a human life. Looking back, I often recall the most pleasant reminiscences as a teenager when I felt extremely excited and truly happy: the first romantic experience, winning in a school soccer tournament, backpacking with friends in the mountains. Unfortunately, the moment of passion is not lasting and after that you inevitably return to routine life. This leads us to think that happiness is more like transient feeling rather than constant sensation inherent to adolescence.

In adult life, a person can learn the pleasure of being a parent. Although, that brings more responsibilities and even challenges. For instance, my brother-in-law, who has two baby-daughters, devotes all his spare time to support his family, which does not leave the time for sport exercises and leisure activities. However, he always remembers the experience of cherishing his babies with the greatest excitement and inspiration. Therefore, it is envisaged that short-term moments of happiness are quite possible in adult life, although after that humdrum of life comes back.

In sum, we have looked at two periods in human life for exploring the possibilities of feeling happy. It is suggested that human beings of both age groups can enjoy the moments of happiness, even though those instances do not last forever. Thus, we should accept that happiness is a state of human mind in certain episodes of life and can be experienced regardless of a person’s age.

Total: 311
Vocabulary:
humdrum
felicity
transient
reminiscences

Dear adepts, if this is still not 7, what exactly should be improved? Thank you in advance!
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: GT, my 2 first essays written on the Ryan-Matthew Methodology

Post by Flick »

Gelever wrote: Cambridge IELTS 8.2
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My definitive answer:
Nowadays, many different approaches to children’s education exist. In some schools, it is accepted to educate boys and girls separately, while in others, children are taught together. Many studies have been conducted on this issue, but educational psychologists are still divided over the final resolution. In this essay, advantages to both approaches will be analyzed to demonstrate how they can be incorporated to put schoolchildren in the most appropriate learning environment.

In real life, human beings of both sexes reside, work, bring up children and cope with life together. In this regard, it seems natural for young boys and girls to attend the same school to study in mixed classes. It is believed that coeducation eliminates gender stereotypes, provides plenty of communication between pupils of both sexes, and gives additional opportunities to deal with the opposite sex. In this case, it is understandable why mixed schools are so prevalent in many countries worldwide.

However, recent studies have suggested that boys and girls perceive education in different ways and require diverse conditions to get the best from classes. For example, female pupils achieve the highest results in physics and mathematics when studying separately from boys. Thus, schoolgirls become engaged in competition among themselves in subjects in which schoolboys traditionally outperform them. This demonstrates that the concept of single-sex schools has significant practical benefits and is worthy of further research.

In summary, schools of both types have their strong and weak points. After analyzing the benefits of each approach, we can deduce that a compromise between both types of schools should be found. For example, boys and girls might attend the same school but study in separate classrooms. This would allow schoolchildren to communicate with the opposite sex during recess. Additionally, special classes can be organized for pupils of both genders to teach them how to respect each other, reach an understanding and find ways of cooperating and compromising.

Total: 319
Vocabulary:
Mixed schools/separate schools
Co(-)education
Mixed-sex education/Single-sex education
Schooling
girls’ schools
Really well written. Great job!
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Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: GT, my 2 first essays written on the Ryan-Matthew Methodology

Post by Flick »

Gelever wrote: Cambridge IELTS 9.2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My definitive answer:
The idea of felicity has been interesting humanity since the earliest times. There are different viewpoints on what age is the happiest time in human lives. Some believe that teenagers enjoy life the most while others insist that adulthood leads to the most happiness. In this paper, I intend to examine both statements in order to underpin the thesis that ‘happiness is just a fleeting state of mind’ that does not depend on age.

Adolescent years are apparently an enjoyable time in a person's life. Looking back, I often recall the most pleasant reminiscences as a teenager when I felt extremely excited and truly happy: the first romantic experience, winning in a school soccer tournament, backpacking with friends in the mountains. Unfortunately, the moment of passion is not lasting and after that you inevitably return to routine life. This leads us to think that happiness is more a transient feeling rather than a constant sensation inherent to adolescence.

In adult life, a person can learn the pleasure of being a parent, although that brings more responsibilities and even challenges. For instance, my brother-in-law, who has two baby daughters, devotes all his spare time to supporting his family, which does not leave time for sport and leisure activities. However, he always remembers the experience of cherishing his babies with the greatest excitement and inspiration. Therefore, it is envisaged that short-term moments of happiness are quite possible in adult life, although after that the humdrum of life returns.

In summary, we have looked at two periods in human life for exploring the possibilities of feeling happy. It is suggested that human beings of both age groups can enjoy moments of happiness, even though those instances do not last forever. Thus, we should accept that happiness is a state of human mind in certain episodes of life and can be experienced regardless of a person’s age.

Total: 311
Vocabulary:
humdrum
felicity
transient
reminiscences
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