Band 8 - Letter assessment required please

[faty]

You work in a busy but poorly organised office and you are keen to be promoted. Your employer needs to find a new supervisor for your department.

Write a letter to your employer. In the letter

ask to be considered for this job
explain why you would be a suitable candidate
outline the current problems and the changes you would like to make
___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sir,

My name is Faty and i am working at your prestigious organisation as an executive for last five years. My reason in writing this letter is to highlight few points that are affecting company's growth. I would also like to express my interest to play a positive role towards further development.

Last week we attended a conference that represented declining profit trends. Major reasons for the downfall were found to be excessive work load and individual performance. Also, the quality of work did not meet customer's satisfaction and complaint tickets logged on website are now growing exponentially.

If i had the authority, I would have distributed work among peers according to individual capacity and performance.In addition to it, streamlining hierarchy and managing resources for quality work would have been on priority in my department.

I have witnesses this organisation going through thick and thins since my joining. Having in-depth knowledge of systems and regulations, I would like to put my interest for being a Manager of my department so I can play my part for company's well-being.

In anticipation for your reply.

Yours sincerely,
Faty

[faty]

I have witnessed*

[Flick]

You work in a busy but poorly organised office and you are keen to be promoted. Your employer needs to find a new supervisor for your department.

Write a letter to your employer. In the letter

ask to be considered for this job
explain why you would be a suitable candidate
outline the current problems and the changes you would like to make
___________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sir,

My name is Faty and i am working at your prestigious organisation as an executive for last five years.(<--Reword to: "My name is Faty. I have worked at your organisation as an executive for the last five years.") My reason in writing this letter is to highlight a few points that are affecting the company's growth. I would also like to express my interest in playing a positive role towards further development.

Last week we attended a conference that highlighted declining profit trends. Major reasons for the downfall were found to be excessive work load and individual performance. Also, the quality of work did not meet our customers' expectations, and complaint tickets logged on our website are now growing exponentially.

If I had the authority, I would distribute work among peers according to individual capacity and performance. In addition to this, streamlining the hierarchy and managing resources for quality work would be a priority in my department.

I have watched this organisation going through thick and thin since my joining. Having an in-depth knowledge of our systems and regulations, I would like to register my interest in the managerial role currently being advertised for my department so I can play a part in the company's well-being.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
Faty

[faty]

I am continuously feeling that I need to work on my grammar. But i am unsure how to do that. Thanks for constantly judging. I am using templates to write letters now.