Feedback needed for my essay please.

[lkrishna]

** GENERAL TASK 2 ESSAY **

TASK 2:

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you this this has changed the way we work. Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?



ANSWER:

Advanced technology is prevalent in most work laces. This has greatly influenced the way we work in various sectors. In my opinion, everything comes with a price and so is technology. Depending too much on technology come with certain disadvantages too.

There is no doubt that the way we work has come a long way due to technical advancements. Firstly, the introduction of superfast computers has greatly reduced the processing times of various tedious tasks. Thus reducing the physical and mental strain on the workforce. Secondly, the way we get to work has also changed. Majority of the employees are working from their home by utilizing technology. This has a huge impact on environment, as there is a significant reduction in the number of people who travel to work. In fact, major companies like AT&T, Google etc. have introduced a project called “Workforce 2020” and encouraging employees to work flexibly from their home. Finally, employees do not need to travel anymore if they want to meet someone. Using the latest applications like Skype, Viber etc. employees can see and talk to anyone anytime. This has taken a lot of travel time, expenses and strain away from people.

On the other hand there are certain disadvantages that come by depending too much on technology. There is danger of employees loosing their interpersonal skills as they barely meet each other. In traditional work places, employees support each other as they are under the same roof. There is also a danger of loosing workforce unity and relationship due to the nature of work style we follow. Furthermore, technical glitches can be too costly for any organization and can even force them to declare bankruptcy, thus leaving the employees in danger of loosing their jobs. Not always a computer can interpret the same way a human does. Human intervention and intelligence is also needed, else things can get very problematic.

To conclude, although there are certain disbenefits of relying heavily on technology, these are outweighed by the advantages that advancements in technology provide us.

[Flick]

** GENERAL TASK 2 ESSAY **

TASK 2:

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you this this has changed the way we work. Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?



ANSWER:

Advanced technology is prevalent in most work places. This has greatly influenced the way we work in various sectors. In my opinion, everything comes with a price and so it is with technology. Depending too much on technology comes with certain disadvantages, too.

There is no doubt that the way we work has come a long way due to technical advancements. Firstly, the introduction of superfast computers has greatly reduced the processing times of various tedious tasks. Thus reducing the physical and mental strain on the workforce. Secondly, the way we get to work has also changed. A majority of employees are working from their home by utilizing technology. This has a huge impact on the environment, as there is a significant reduction in the number of people who travel to work. In fact, major companies like AT&T, Google, etc. have introduced a project called “Workforce 2020” and are encouraging employees to work flexibly from their homes. Finally, employees do not need to travel anymore if they want to meet someone. Using the latest applications like Skype, Viber, etc., employees can see and talk to anyone anytime. This has taken a lot of travel time, expenses and strain away from people.

On the other hand, there are certain disadvantages that come by depending too much on technology. There is danger of employees losing their interpersonal skills as they barely meet each other face to face. In traditional work places, employees support each other as they are under the same roof. There is also a danger of losing workforce unity and relationships due to the nature of work style we follow. Furthermore, technical glitches can be costly for any organization and can even force them to declare bankruptcy, thus leaving the employees in danger of losing their jobs. A computer can't always interpret things the same way a human can. Human intervention and intelligence is also needed, else things can get very problematic.

To conclude, although there are certain disadvantages in relying heavily on technology, these are outweighed by the advantages that advancements in technology provide us.

[SpeakWriteAcademy]

Hi there,

That's a good essay. Clear structure with an opening, body, and conclusion. Reasoning is logical and easy to follow.

The section that i think has the most opportunity to be improved is this one:
"Furthermore, technical glitches can be too costly for any organization and can even force them to declare bankruptcy, thus leaving the employees in danger of loosing their jobs. Not always a computer can interpret the same way a human does. Human intervention and intelligence is also needed, else things can get very problematic."

Technology glitch resulting in bankruptcy and employees losing jobs is a far fetched example. Without any additional supporting material, this proposition, in the first sentence, is not strongly supported.

The remaining sentences in this paragraph seems a bit out of place as the whole paragraph has been focusing on disadvantages.

But overall, a strong essay.

Keep practising, keep trying, and you will keep on improving!

[lkrishna]

Hi Jim Chuang,

Thanks you very much for the feedback. I will work on the issues you mentioned. I will write another essay and will get back to you.

Krish.