General Writing - Task 1 and Task 2 - Please evaluate and assist me.

[krishmba06]

Writing task2
Q:- Today more people are travelling than ever before
Why is this the case?
What are the benefits of travelling for the raveller ?

Answer :-
Travel has become an imminent part of life for almost everone who can be from different fields such as Agriculture, Business, Bankers and so on and so forth.

Firstly, it is mainly because of the globalization policies, that is opening up of the markets for the outside players in almost all the segments, outsourcing policies and of course due to the growth in the tourism sector. Globalisation for instance opened up opportunities to retailers, Agricultarists and big financial players to market, sell and invest in other countries respectively. This has increased the amount of travel for those people who are interested and is owning such business. Liberalisation of the outsourcing policies helped in setting up the shops outside the country and thus enabled a lot of International travel. Last but not the least, each country is promoting their tourism and is thus attracting he people to travel and explore their local culture and get a hands on their various cuisines.
Now each of the above mentioned economic drivers require the people to travel so they get better control and better monitoring on the respective area of work.

Lets us look at how Travel helps or benefits a frequent traveler. As we are living in the global era of globalization and technical advancement it is important any one who is running the business learn the latest trend in their area of specilisation. To sight my own example, I have 11 years of Banking experience, But until I travelled to the various countries such as Singapore, Malaysia, China and Australia I was not aware of the latest technologies and the softwares used by the global leaders in the banking sector. It was an eye opener for me to understand and implement some of the modern technologies that shifted the way we look at the customer service. Also travel provides an opportunity to learn beautiful aspects of a country. It provides an gateway to understand the various methods used by various countries in curing diseases, adopt best practices to develop the metro cities.

Basis on all this facts I would conclude that for any person to nurture they have to travel either locally or globally which would help them not only to learn but also to become a leader in their target field


Task 1

You have recently moved to a different house; Write a letter to english speaking friend. In your letter
Explain why you have moved
Desctribe the new house
Invite your friend to come and visit

Dear Matt,
Hope you are doing fine. I wish to inform you that I have finally relocated to a new house and got away from the clutches of my earlier neighbor.
As you are aware, my earlier neighbor was a party freak and was always throwing evening and late night parties with high decibel music. My family and I were really annoyed and hence shifted from that house. My little one always used to refer my neighbor and would say “their happiness was too loud” and of course their happiness disturbed my children’s study and our peace of mind.
Being said that I was really happy that I took this decision to move as we found a beautiful house, 2 miles away from the city. It has 2 bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen next to the living room and a substantial backyard and of course a sparwling garden. There are separate study rooms for my kids in the first floor and a balcony as well. The house is also near to a local target store.
I would like to you to come around this weekend to my house and spend some time with our family and I am pretty sure you will love this place. We can have a nice cup of tea sitting near the backyard, viewing the rolling hills and could also break in to some sardines.
Hope to see you this weekend

[jesus]

Try to use ";" and ":".
Use some linkers between sentences.

[krishmba06]

Thanks a lot mate. will start using it. Is the flow of ideas in my writing fine. did it make sense to you..

[krishmba06]

Also if some one could tell me the Band I will score here, that will be of great help.. I have scored Band 8 in both listening and Reading when I took the cambridge model test for general IELTS.

so if I get the band for this one, it will be of great help for me to analyse my current position.

Thanks in advance guys...

[SpeakWriteAcademy]

Hi there,

That's a good article. Lots of 'meat' in the essay and the sentences generally flowed quite well.

A few points for you to consider on the writing:
- You started the second paragraph with 'Firstly'. Typically, this suggests that you will have 'Secondly', 'Thirdly', 'Lastly' ... etc. There wasn't clear indicators of these throughout the paragraph.
- style - the writing style is conversational e.g., 'so on and so forth', 'Now each of the above', 'Let us look at'. It lacks a bit of formality and the academic touch to it.

The letter is nicely crafted. It may benefit from clear paragraphing though.

Overall, a strong essay with minimal spelling/grammar issues.

Keep practising, keep trying, and you will keep on improving!