GT task 2 evaluation required

[faty]

Student are learning a variety of subjects in schools. Some people think there is no need for that. Do you agree or disagree?

Advancement in research has introduced enormous fields that can be opted for study. This is nowhere more evident than the increased number of options available to students to pursue higher studies. Some people believe that children should focus on limited subjects for better understanding. However, It is necessary for students to be taught variety of subjects in order to gain clear insight.

It is usually perceived, The basic knowledge shared with students on different subjects proves to be beneficial for their higher studies. For example, if a student finds mathematics comparatively easy than history, then it is more likely that he will opt for a course that involves calculations. This example clearly shows that rudimentary knowledge is essential for children to gain insight of opportunities and choose the best option for their higher career. Thus, students should be taught variety of subjects for better understanding.

Furthermore, subjects taught at school level are mostly viewed as parent fields that are applied in daily life. To exemplify, fundamentals of mathematics are seem to be applicable from household chores to space researches. This proves that even if there is a mere interest in a single field, one should learn it to survive. Additionally, this provides an interrelation with different subjects; Quantum theory linked with human anatomy for instance. From this, it can be concluded that students at early age will be able to link ideas together in a better way if variety of information is shared with them from the beginning.

Following the analyses, it is clear that children at early should be given handful of information from the scratch. This will not only help in their career, but will prove to be beneficial in linking ideas together that do not lie in their interest zone.

[Gelever]

Hi, faty!
Good job!
The main ideas for supportive paragraphs are a little bit blurred, but I do realize how difficult it is to think up a striking example... I wrote such the essay too, if you wish you can find it several posts back.
Overall, it is a well-structured essay, just check the choice of vocabulary, I haven't found some of the collocations you used in my dictionary (which is excellent (more than 1 million words and phrases) - trust me!)

[SpeakWriteAcademy]

Hi there,

The general structure of the essay is there. There are still opportunities for you to improve the essay.

A few areas for you to consider are:
- Choice of words. In some cases, there are more appropriate word choices. For example, you used 'enormous fields', i would suggest 'a number of fields'; 'comparatively easy' i would use 'easier'.
- A few propositions where the supporting is not clear.
For example, "It is necessary for students to be taught variety of subjects in order to gain clear insight." - this proposition isn't explored in the essay.
‘For example, if a student finds mathematics comparatively easy than history, then it is more likely that he will opt for a course that involves calculations. This example clearly shows that rudimentary knowledge is essential for children to gain insight of opportunities and choose the best option for their higher career.’ - again i feel the example in the first sentence does not fully link with the proposition in the second sentence. Hence, though you state that "this example clearly shows ...", it wasn't clear to me as a reader.

I hope this helps.

Keep practising, keep trying, and you will keep on improving!

[faty]

Hi, faty!
Good job!
The main ideas for supportive paragraphs are a little bit blurred, but I do realize how difficult it is to think up a striking example... I wrote such the essay too, if you wish you can find it several posts back.
Overall, it is a well-structured essay, just check the choice of vocabulary, I haven't found some of the collocations you used in my dictionary (which is excellent (more than 1 million words and phrases) - trust me!)

Hey Glever! I understand and have read your essays. What i am doing is actually taking your topics and rewriting for practice. Thanks a lot. Your ideas are already helping.

[faty]

Hi there,

The general structure of the essay is there. There are still opportunities for you to improve the essay.

A few areas for you to consider are:
- Choice of words. In some cases, there are more appropriate word choices. For example, you used 'enormous fields', i would suggest 'a number of fields'; 'comparatively easy' i would use 'easier'.
- A few propositions where the supporting is not clear.
For example, "It is necessary for students to be taught variety of subjects in order to gain clear insight." - this proposition isn't explored in the essay.
‘For example, if a student finds mathematics comparatively easy than history, then it is more likely that he will opt for a course that involves calculations. This example clearly shows that rudimentary knowledge is essential for children to gain insight of opportunities and choose the best option for their higher career.’ - again i feel the example in the first sentence does not fully link with the proposition in the second sentence. Hence, though you state that "this example clearly shows ...", it wasn't clear to me as a reader.

I hope this helps.

Keep practising, keep trying, and you will keep on improving!

Thank you so much for your opinion I understand the vocabulary and vision needs to be clear and i am trying. Thanks again. This is the first time i got any evaluation for my writing task 2. Needed it badly. Thanks