Please check i need a 7 band in writing

[anasjamil]

(Note: I need a 7 band in writing. Please read the following essay and provide feedback regarding grade and what steps should be taken to improve the score)
(I have scored 6 each in all 2 attempts of IELTS exam)

Topic: It is better for boys and girls to study separately rather than study in mixed sex classes. They are less distracted and this leads to better results.
Do you agree or disagree ?

In most of the countries education is considered to be equally important for both boys and girls. Some people argue that both boys and girls should study under one roof. However, a different school of thought advocates that they should study separately.
I believe that mixed classes should be conducted to provide a healthy competitive environment and avoid extra expenses on country's economy.

To begin with, co-education system prevailing in a country provides a very competitive environment which leads to overall good progress of student's academic life. Girls try to get better marks and grades as compare to boys and vice versa. This eventually ends up resulting an overall better educational standard of a country. For instance, within my family my younger brother opted to choose co-education system to study and had always been seen in good competition with a girl in his class.

Moreover, if boys and girls are made to study separately, a country needs to spend extra budget on building more schools, colleges and universities. By providing a combined platform to both boys and girls, we can lift financial pressure on government so they can spend more on different other valuable sectors including defence, poverty, food etc. This policy of co-education will also help in minimizing gender gap and better understanding between two sexes.

In conclusion, I strongly beleive that providing a co-education system will enhance the overall productivity of a student and has numerous benefits of all kinds including social, economical and financial. We should encourage such steps for betterment and prosperity of our country.

[anasjamil]

Hello to all,

Please provide response, I have an exam on this Saturday.
I would appreciate your help/comments/feedback.


Kind Regards,
Anas Jamil