Please evaluate my writing. Task 2 essay.

[myieltstest]

Could someone please evaluate it and give band prediction.
many thanks.


The right time for children to learn second language has been a riddle since society start thinking about global citizenship and opportunity, especially in countries whoe first language is not English.
Most professional in the field believed that it is best to start learning second language at primary school while other practitioner suggested that start to learn that in secondary school is more efficient.
I believe that the best time to start learning second language is at primary school.
It is due to the fact that for biological reason, it is more beneficial and children can have an early exposure to the language.

Medical research found out that the premordial part of the brain is responsible for emotional sensing, reflexive movement, and immitating ability. This immitating ability, which is developing significantly during primary school period, contibutes significantly in language learning.
On the other hand, logical thinking ability is developed later, that is during secondary school phase.
This brain development knowledge is very fundamental information to support the idea that the best time to learn second language is during primary school.

Many language researchers, educators, and experts believed that each individu needs different time to absorb every aspect of new language learned such as grammar, vocabulary, and pronounciation.
This learning curve, which can not be accelerated, can only be balanced by starting it at early as possible.
By doing so, children can get early exposure to the language. Thus, they also more get used to and are more confidence in using it.
For this reason, it is obvious that starting it early in primary school give children more benefits.

After compiling that brain development phase information about imittating ability that contribute in language training as well as the fact that getting early exposure that can give more advantages, it is clear that the best time to begin learning foreign language is at primary school.

[myieltstest]

can someone please help me to assess my essay..?

I really appreciate your help.

[Dr.Matthew]

The right time for children to learn second language has been a riddle since society start[ed] thinking about global citizenship and opportunity, especially in countries whoe first language is not English.
Most professional[s] in the field believed that it is best to start learning [a] second language at primary school while other practitioner[s] [have] suggested that start[ing] to learn [deleted that] in secondary school is more efficient.
I believe that the best time to start learning [a] second language is at primary school.
It is due to the fact that for

probably best to delete this phrase?

biological reason[s][;] it is more beneficial and children can have an early exposure to the language.

much better phrasing...well done

Medical research [has] found out that the premordial

CHECK spelling..primordial...

part of the brain is responsible for emotional sensing, reflexive movement, and imitating

check spelling!

ability. This immitating ability, which is developing significantly during primary school period, contibutes significantly in language learning.
On the other hand, logical thinking ability is developed later, that is during [the] secondary school phase.
This brain development knowledge is very fundamental information to support the idea that the best time to learn second language is during primary school.

EXCELLENT sentence and GREAT way to summarize at the end of your paragraph and link back to primary thesis

Many language researchers, educators, and experts

EXCELLENT parallelism in your list here

believed that each individu needs different time to absorb every aspect of [a] new language learned such as grammar, vocabulary, and pronounciation.

This learning curve, which can not be accelerated, can only be balanced by starting

it...say WHA 'it' is!

at early as possible.
By doing so, children can get early exposure to the language.

GOOD sentence

Thus, they also

more get used to (poor phrasing)

and are more confidence in using it.
For this reason, it is obvious that starting it early in primary school give[s] children more benefits.

After compiling

odd verb choice here

that brain development phase information about imittating ability that contribute in language training as well as the fact that getting early exposure that can give more advantages, it is clear that the best time to begin learning foreign language is at primary school.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! What a final sentence....way too long and as a result of its complexity it loses syntactical coherency

OK. BAD NEWS...YOU MIGHT OBTAIN A 6...FAR TOO MANY ERRORS (ESPECIALLY BASIC ERRORS: SPELLING ETC]. AGAIN, SORRY TO SAY, BUT THE CONCLUSION IS A BIT OF A MESS. AS WELL, THROUGHOUT THERE ARE A NUMBER OF MINOR ERRORS SUCH AS INAPPROPRIATE VERB FORMS [ED/ING] AND TENSE CHOICES...PROBABLY PRESENT PERFECT SHOULD HAVE BEEN USED MORE?
OK. GOOD NEWS. THERE IS PROMISE IN YOUR WRITING. ONE OF THE ASPECTS I LIKE IS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PREPARED TO INTRODUCE SOME REALLY BIG IDEAS. TOO OFTEN STUDENTS CENSOR THEMSELVES IN WRITING THE ACADEMIC TASK 2, EVEN IF THEY HAVE ARE AWARE OF HIGH POWERED CONCEPTS.
ADVICE: GO BACK TO BASICS, ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION. FIRST, PRACTICE WRITING SHORT, SIMPLE DECLARATIVE SENTENCES. NEXT, EXPAND THESE SLIGHTLY: ADD AN ADVERB/ADVERBIAL PHRASE TO YOUR SIMPLE SENTENCE OR A TRANSITION/CONNECTOR. FINALLY, PRACTICE A RANGE OF COMPLEX SENTENCE FORMS (INDEPENDENT + DEPENEDENT CLAUSE). PRACTICE BOTH SUBORDINATING AND COORDINATING THE DEPENDENT CLAUSES.
AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEED...A RANGE OF SIMPLE AND COMPLEX SENTENCE FORMS. IF YOU WANT TO GET A LITTLE ADVENTUROUS, THEN INCLUDE WHAT I TERM A STATIC COMPOUND SENTENCE THAT WOULD LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

Understanding brain development phase information clearly supports my contention that it is best to begin learning foreign language at primary school; moreover, as I have also argued, early exposure to a foreign language is also very advantageous for the learner.

SO, 'MYIELTSTEST' PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, AND IF YOU'D BE KIND ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO POST THIS SAMPLE + COMMENTS (DEIDENTIFIED OF COURSE!) ON MY WEBSITE AND BLOG? Cheers,

[myieltstest]

OK. BAD NEWS...YOU MIGHT OBTAIN A 6...FAR TOO MANY ERRORS (ESPECIALLY BASIC ERRORS: SPELLING ETC]. AGAIN, SORRY TO SAY, BUT THE CONCLUSION IS A BIT OF A MESS. AS WELL, THROUGHOUT THERE ARE A NUMBER OF MINOR ERRORS SUCH AS INAPPROPRIATE VERB FORMS [ED/ING] AND TENSE CHOICES...PROBABLY PRESENT PERFECT SHOULD HAVE BEEN USED MORE?
OK. GOOD NEWS. THERE IS PROMISE IN YOUR WRITING. ONE OF THE ASPECTS I LIKE IS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PREPARED TO INTRODUCE SOME REALLY BIG IDEAS. TOO OFTEN STUDENTS CENSOR THEMSELVES IN WRITING THE ACADEMIC TASK 2, EVEN IF THEY HAVE ARE AWARE OF HIGH POWERED CONCEPTS.
ADVICE: GO BACK TO BASICS, ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION. FIRST, PRACTICE WRITING SHORT, SIMPLE DECLARATIVE SENTENCES. NEXT, EXPAND THESE SLIGHTLY: ADD AN ADVERB/ADVERBIAL PHRASE TO YOUR SIMPLE SENTENCE OR A TRANSITION/CONNECTOR. FINALLY, PRACTICE A RANGE OF COMPLEX SENTENCE FORMS (INDEPENDENT + DEPENEDENT CLAUSE). PRACTICE BOTH SUBORDINATING AND COORDINATING THE DEPENDENT CLAUSES.
AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEED...A RANGE OF SIMPLE AND COMPLEX SENTENCE FORMS. IF YOU WANT TO GET A LITTLE ADVENTUROUS, THEN INCLUDE WHAT I TERM A STATIC COMPOUND SENTENCE THAT WOULD LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

Understanding brain development phase information clearly supports my contention that it is best to begin learning foreign language at primary school; moreover, as I have also argued, early exposure to a foreign language is also very advantageous for the learner.

SO, 'MYIELTSTEST' PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, AND IF YOU'D BE KIND ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO POST THIS SAMPLE + COMMENTS (DEIDENTIFIED OF COURSE!) ON MY WEBSITE AND BLOG? Cheers,

Dr. Matthew,
I would like to thank you for your respond and correction.

sorry for very late respond, I have been busy with another subject. Now I come back to deal with IELTS.

Your suggestion on concluding paragraph is very good and is beyond my current level of english.
I have never used that technique before and am not familiar with ";".
You wrote a great concluding paragraph there.
I realized that I still struggle how to write a good one.

I have corrected my essay above and will post it here again.
For the concluding paragraph, I am still using an easier way of writing it now.
For sure, I will learn to use your suggested technique and will start to search the information regarding that sentence structure.

[myieltstest]

hallo everone,

I have corrected my essay.
Would you like to proofread it and give band prediction ?


The right time for children to learn second language has been a riddle since society started thinking about global citizenships and opportunities, especially in countries whose first language is not English. Most professionals in the field believed that it is best to start learning a second language at primary school while other practitioners have suggested that starting to learn at secondary school is more efficient. I believe that the best time to start learning a second language is at primary school. It is due to biological reasons; it is more beneficial and children can have an early exposure to the language.

Medical research has found out that the primordial part of the brain is responsible for emotional sensing, reflexive movement, and imitating ability. This imitating ability, which is developing significantly during primary school period, contributes significantly in language learning. On the other hand, logical thinking ability is developed later, that is during the secondary school phase. This brain development knowledge is fundamental information to support the idea that the best time to learn second language is during primary school.

Many language researchers, educators, and experts have collaborated an experiment that showed that each individual needs different time to absorb every aspect of a new language learned such as grammar, vocabulary, and pronunciation. Participant who got the best result on that experiment still need a significant amount of time to master the basic, let alone the fluency. This fact has implied that it is beneficial to start as early as possible. By doing so, children can get early exposure to the language. Thus, they also will get used to the language and are more confidence in using it. For this reason, it is obvious that starting it early in primary school give children more benefits.

Following the analysis of the brain development phase information and the advantages of early exposure to a foreign language, it is clear, as I have also argued, that it is best to begin learning foreign language at primary school.