Hey IELTS Badasses. I want some feedback on my Writing plz..

[junseo1040]

Hey guys. I want some honest feedback and comments on my IELTS(AT) Writing Task 2. I currently have IELTS (AT) grade of 7 and I am planning to take IELTS test soon again to get 8 or above.

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.
What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

As is commonly understood, university marks a threshold for young students into the competitive society. However, the real function of these institutes is a highly contentious topic. It is mostly agreed that the institutes best uphold the responsibility of educating the students with necessary practical skills and experiences, as its reasonable reasons will now be carefully analyzed before drawing a logical conclusion.

Primarily, the young workforces equipped with various practical skills and numerous experiences are given a lot of opportunities to develop their own careers further effectively and universities should be the one who should provide these abilities. My linear career growth exemplifies this precisely. After admission to my college, I was eligible to be informed with valuable information and skills about how to carefully plan to write different kinds of complicated dissertations. All the acquisition of these priceless experiences and knowledge definitely assisted me to be a prosperous essay writer and instructor. As my personal example shows, the attentively designed academic curriculums of universities, which aim to help the youth to acquire feasible knowledge and skills, can be extremely beneficial.

Furthermore, modern companies mostly crave for young individuals who are experienced enough with viable skills, not useless and unpractical knowledge. Universities, thus, could be the best places to produce the most competitive workforce once empowered in their own expertise. A colleague of mine, for example, thought he would be a successful experimental physicist having encountered different kinds of fields of science during his campus life. However, his inefficacious and erroneous beliefs of such educational strategy brought him only to a predicament contrary to what he thought would happen. Despite of his effort to yield positive results in his career, it is evident that the integration of both knowledge and skills absorbed during a person’s campus life could brighten the future of young individuals.

After hashing out the clear statements of the above argument, university should be the place where students can prepare themselves to seek for better job opportunities by learning practical skills, not squandering the priceless time just to acquire unfeasible experiences. Hopefully, every university would put this into practice to complete their students’ literacy and successfully aid their stable career growths.