Hello FLICK, Ryan asked me to get in touch. Kindly asses my General task 2 essay asked on 23rd July exam (India)

[kaizadhans]

Following was the question asked in my 23rd july GT writing task 2.

In Some countries, More people are choosing to live alone rather than with family. Do you think its a positive or a negative development?

Before I begin answering this essay, i remember that i made a mistake by discussing or stating positives of both sides but taking a strong position towards the negative and stated my strong disagreement with this development with 2 examples. Or maybe my grammar was bad, i don't know. I would like your help in this case. I can't promise to write exactly what i wrote in my exam on 23rd, but i will try my best to remember the points i wrote and state them here in this email. Please give me your estimated band score and feedback.

<<Begin>>

It is true, that more and more number of people are choosing to live on their own rather than with their relatives or family. While, many would feel that it gives them more space to grow as an individual, it however strips them apart of any social and emotional skills required for an overall development of a human being. In my opinion, there are many demerits attached to this development and the same will be explained in the following paragraphs.

For an all round development of a human being, it is imperative that our social and emotional needs are met. This includes interacting with other human beings and feeling loved in return from friends and family. For instance, Dr. Green who is the head of the american psychology department has stated that human beings are a mere reflection of their environment. If, we do not receive adequate attention from our family or loved ones than the probability of it hurting our emotional and physical well being increases. This might lead us to becoming anti-social and thus impair our abilities to make friends and communicate with people from different backgrounds and cultures.

It is also argued by many that living life in seclusion away from your family can have adverse effects on a development of a child. So if you have a young one in your house then it becomes all the more necessary to let children spend time with their grandparents and other siblings or cousins. This will not only increase their social skills but they will also get to learn the importance of respecting elders, thus increasing the bonding between family members.

In conclusion, It could be stated that although living alone might have its own set of merits attached to it but this kind of a development creates many ripple effects on an individual's long term physical and emotional well being.

[Flick]

In Some countries, More people are choosing to live alone rather than with family. Do you think its a positive or a negative development?


<<Begin>>

It is true that a greater number of people are choosing to live on their own rather than with their relatives or family. While many feel that it gives them more space to grow as an individual, it however prevents them from learning social and emotional skills required for an overall development of a human being. In my opinion, there are many demerits attached to this development and the same will be explained in the following paragraphs.

For all round development of a human being, it is imperative that our social and emotional needs are met. This includes interacting with other human beings and feeling loved in return from friends and family. For instance, Dr. Green, who is the head of the American Psychology Department, has stated that human beings are a mere reflection of their environment. If we do not receive adequate attention from our family or loved ones, then the probability of it hurting our emotional and physical well being increases. This might lead us to becoming anti-social and thus impair our ability to make friends and communicate with people from different backgrounds and cultures.

It is also argued by many that living in seclusion away from your family can have adverse effects on the development of a child. So if you have a young one in your house then it becomes all the more necessary to let that child spend time with their grandparents and other siblings or cousins. This will not only increase their social skills but they will also get to learn the importance of respecting their elders, thus increasing the bond between family members.

In conclusion, it could be stated that although living alone might have its own set of merits attached to it, this kind of a development creates many ripple effects on an individual's long term physical and emotional well being.

[TRINH QUANG LUC]

Dear writer.
I have some advices want to tell you through your discourse. For my part. I think this kind of essay is not easy to get high mark because of some following reasons.
- Firstly, You have used so many common and popular words in your essay such as: many... Meanwhile that can be replaced by another way like: a Sizable of people, a fewer of people...
- You should apply more outstanding function of synonym in your essay to have a fresh look on it.
- Alternatively use in both active and passive structural should be recommended.
- You have to lead and debate that most of successful people in the world wouldn't be done unless communicating and interacting to others.
- To obtain the good mark it requires more remarkable structural should be used such as: the more...the more or inversion format and so on.
... Here are my point of view.
Have a great day. Do not forget to assess my essay on this web as well.