Please check my Essay

[vivek001]

Question - Some people think professional athlete make good role models in young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Fan following of professional athletes is quite ubiquitous around the world. Exuberant people of all ages, not only love to play sports but also admire professional athletes at great extent. Therefore, these professionals suits the best to become the role models for young generation.However, some people think otherwise. In this essay i will discuss both sides of the argument.

First of all, It is quite evident that each individual has its own choice and preference in sports as well as in other areas. As a result,it won't be justifiable for considering athletes as perfect role models for all youngesters.Moreover, it might be a deterrent effect for a countryfolk to consider athletes as role model who like music and a musician, for example.Additionally, From other star players prespective like, world chess champion, a renowned author or a celebrated writer, it would be unacceptable to keep up the performance in their respective fields without appreciation of young people.Selection of a role model should be a self-selection not an enforcement for the young generation.

On the other hand,Breeding a culture in young people to consider these professional athletes as their role models would be a multi-pronged solution.It would be appropriate to encourage young people to appreciate professional athletes. Once these young people learn to encourage the work and pressure of athletes in thier performances,ultimately they will admire them as their role model.In addition, atletes give their best performance when they see the crowd cheering for them and play more passionately then ever before.With the help of these athletes young people can easily learn how to compete pacifically.

To Recapitulate, Undoubtedly it is a prerogative of one's to choose his or her role model, but, off course, professional athletes could be one of the best option to consider as a role model.

[drsid]

Good attempt.

You have used a lot of of linking words to make compound sentences and you have a wide vocabulary range

But if I were to criticize, the question clearly asks you to give your opinion. You have not done that. You have only discussed both the views. You will lose 0.5 to 1 band score for not answering the required questions completely.

The grammar is a little off here and there. A few spelling mistakes as well. Also, at many places following a comma(,) you continue your sentence with a word in capital letters. Capital letters are only usually used only for the first word of the sentence.

Hope you keep this in mind for your future attempts

[vivek001]

Thanks a lot for your valuable inputs !!

[Emre]

Congratulations,

Structure of the essay is good. Considering subject, you have used a perfect vocabulary set.

I do not think that you should have written a sentence starting with "My opinion is.." to give your opinion. It is there in the second and last paragraph that you believe individuals shall choose his or her own role model. However, your opinion is digressing from the question.

Although you have used many linking words, they became dissonant when there are more than required.


Thank you for sharing this nice attempt and good luck with your future studies.

[vivek001]

Thank you!!

[YuriJones]

Question - Some people think professional athlete make good role models in young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Fan following of professional athletes is quite ubiquitous around the world. Exuberant people of all ages, not only love to play sports but also admire professional athletes at great extent. Therefore, these professionals suits the best to become the role models for young generation.However, some people think otherwise. In this essay i will discuss both sides of the argument. Paris Shuttle Transportation


First of all, It is quite evident that each individual has its own choice and preference in sports as well as in other areas. As a result,it won't be justifiable for considering athletes as perfect role models for all youngesters.Moreover, it might be a deterrent effect for a countryfolk to consider athletes as role model who like music and a musician, for example.Additionally, From other star players prespective like, world chess champion, a renowned author or a celebrated writer, it would be unacceptable to keep up the performance in their respective fields without appreciation of young people.Selection of a role model should be a self-selection not an enforcement for the young generation.

On the other hand,Breeding a culture in young people to consider these professional athletes as their role models would be a multi-pronged solution.It would be appropriate to encourage young people to appreciate professional athletes. Once these young people learn to encourage the work and pressure of athletes in thier performances,ultimately they will admire them as their role model.In addition, atletes give their best performance when they see the crowd cheering for them and play more passionately then ever before.With the help of these athletes young people can easily learn how to compete pacifically.

To Recapitulate, Undoubtedly it is a prerogative of one's to choose his or her role model, but, off course, professional athletes could be one of the best option to consider as a role model.

Your method of explaining the whole thing in this post is in fact pleasant, every one be capable of effortlessly be aware of it, Thanks a lot.

[vivek001]

It is very motivating and will help me to keep up. Thanks a lot!!

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