Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gender equality has come under huge attention in recent times, as this creates equal opportunities for everyone. Education is one of the areas affected. It is debated whether higher institutions should practice equality in admission of male and female students in every course. I personally believe that university admissions in should not be gender based. This is due to the fact that the criteria to be accepted into a course should be based on merit and interest rather than gender.
Universities and Colleges usually set out entrance requirements for admission into a course which are mainly dependent on past educational performance. For example, if there are more male students with better grades then female, they are the ones who should benefit from the seats and the opposite is true. This will be a fair deal and will promote competition. Thus, students who are interested in a course will need to work harder to achieve the appropriate merit.
To enjoy one’s career, one need to pursue a degree in the field of her interest. There are different trends in interest of subjects within the genders. For example, female students tend to find engineering subjects difficult. If there are less female students interested to further a course, there will be vacant ‘female’ seats, which could have been availed by males. Hence, interest be a deciding factor.
To conclude, equality of gender in admissions is very much arguable. I support the notion that it should be bases on school grades and interest in the field.
Kindly review my essay- Gender equality in College Admission
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SyntaxFox
- IELTS Instructor
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Re: Kindly review my essay- Gender equality in College Admis
Hi inaveed, thanks for posting. Sorry it took so long for someone to get back to you! I’ve read your work, and I have a few tips for you.
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
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Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gender equality has come under much scrutiny (<-- It’s incorrect to say something has ‘come under attention’. An alternative could be ‘gained attention’, if you prefer to use that word.) in recent times, as this creates equal opportunities for everyone. Education is one of the areas affected. It is debated whether higher institutions should practice equality in the admission of male and female students in every course. I personally believe that university admissions should (<-- no need for ‘in’.) not be gender based. This is due to the fact that I feel (<-- This is your opinion, so it’s important to make this clear. I added ‘I feel’ to clarify it.) the criteria to be accepted into a course should be based on merit and interest rather than gender.
Universities and colleges usually set out entrance requirements for admission into a course that are mainly dependent on past educational performance. For example, if there are more male students with better grades then female students, (<-- Your sentence did make sense, but it reads better if you use the word ‘students’, or a similar noun, after ‘female’.) they are the ones who should benefit from the places, (<-- In the context of university admissions, the correct term is ‘places’, not ‘seats’.) and the opposite is also true. This will be fair (<-- The phrase ‘a fair deal’ is too informal for this context.) and will promote competition. Thus, students who are interested in a course will need to work harder to achieve the required grades. (<-- The phrase ‘appropriate merit’ didn’t really make sense here.)
To enjoy their careers, people need to pursue a degree in the field of their interest. (<-- ‘One’ is quite a formal and even old-fashioned word to use, although it’s correct. I changed it to reflect modern, everyday English. Also, in gender-neutral English (which is always preferable) the pronouns ‘her’ and ‘him’ should only be used if you’re referring to specific people. Otherwise, it’s best to use ‘them’.) There are different trends in interest of subjects when it comes to gender. (<-- I reworded this to make it flow better.) For example, female students tend to find engineering subjects difficult. If there are less female students interested in a course, there will be vacant ‘female’ seats, which could have been filled by males. Hence, interest should be a deciding factor.
To conclude, equality of gender in admissions is very much debatable. (<-- The word ‘arguable’ in this context suggests that you agree with it, but in the next sentence you claim to support the opposite view.) I support the notion that it should be based on school grades and interest in the field.
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I have some advice for you. Firstly, it’s important to understand the formality / informality of the context you’re writing in. In this context, or in the context of an actual exam, your writing should be quite formal without sounding outdated. Words like ‘one’, while correct, can sound out of place here. On the other hand, phrases like ‘a fair deal’ are too informal. If you’re having trouble deciding what to write, though, it’s better to sound too formal than too informal.
In the penultimate paragraph, you stated that “female students tend to find engineering subjects difficult.” Your English was correct, so I haven’t changed anything, but some people might take offence to a generalisation like this. There are many prominent female engineers who would disagree with you, for example. In the future, it would be best to avoid stereotypes, particularly when there is no factual evidence to back them up.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Corrections are in red, and comments are in blue.
----
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Gender equality has come under much scrutiny (<-- It’s incorrect to say something has ‘come under attention’. An alternative could be ‘gained attention’, if you prefer to use that word.) in recent times, as this creates equal opportunities for everyone. Education is one of the areas affected. It is debated whether higher institutions should practice equality in the admission of male and female students in every course. I personally believe that university admissions should (<-- no need for ‘in’.) not be gender based. This is due to the fact that I feel (<-- This is your opinion, so it’s important to make this clear. I added ‘I feel’ to clarify it.) the criteria to be accepted into a course should be based on merit and interest rather than gender.
Universities and colleges usually set out entrance requirements for admission into a course that are mainly dependent on past educational performance. For example, if there are more male students with better grades then female students, (<-- Your sentence did make sense, but it reads better if you use the word ‘students’, or a similar noun, after ‘female’.) they are the ones who should benefit from the places, (<-- In the context of university admissions, the correct term is ‘places’, not ‘seats’.) and the opposite is also true. This will be fair (<-- The phrase ‘a fair deal’ is too informal for this context.) and will promote competition. Thus, students who are interested in a course will need to work harder to achieve the required grades. (<-- The phrase ‘appropriate merit’ didn’t really make sense here.)
To enjoy their careers, people need to pursue a degree in the field of their interest. (<-- ‘One’ is quite a formal and even old-fashioned word to use, although it’s correct. I changed it to reflect modern, everyday English. Also, in gender-neutral English (which is always preferable) the pronouns ‘her’ and ‘him’ should only be used if you’re referring to specific people. Otherwise, it’s best to use ‘them’.) There are different trends in interest of subjects when it comes to gender. (<-- I reworded this to make it flow better.) For example, female students tend to find engineering subjects difficult. If there are less female students interested in a course, there will be vacant ‘female’ seats, which could have been filled by males. Hence, interest should be a deciding factor.
To conclude, equality of gender in admissions is very much debatable. (<-- The word ‘arguable’ in this context suggests that you agree with it, but in the next sentence you claim to support the opposite view.) I support the notion that it should be based on school grades and interest in the field.
----
I have some advice for you. Firstly, it’s important to understand the formality / informality of the context you’re writing in. In this context, or in the context of an actual exam, your writing should be quite formal without sounding outdated. Words like ‘one’, while correct, can sound out of place here. On the other hand, phrases like ‘a fair deal’ are too informal. If you’re having trouble deciding what to write, though, it’s better to sound too formal than too informal.
In the penultimate paragraph, you stated that “female students tend to find engineering subjects difficult.” Your English was correct, so I haven’t changed anything, but some people might take offence to a generalisation like this. There are many prominent female engineers who would disagree with you, for example. In the future, it would be best to avoid stereotypes, particularly when there is no factual evidence to back them up.
Keep practising,
SyntaxFox
Re: Kindly review my essay- Gender equality in College Admis
Hi SyntaxFox,
Thanks a lot for answering my essays. You are awesome. I am just checking the answers though it's after my exams.
Mistakes noted. I will inform you of the outcome.
Thanks,
Asad
Thanks a lot for answering my essays. You are awesome. I am just checking the answers though it's after my exams.
Mistakes noted. I will inform you of the outcome.
Thanks,
Asad
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George Scurlock
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:30 am
Re: Kindly review my essay- Gender equality in College Admis
I agree with your topic that university admissions should not be gender basis. On the other hand where we tell boys and girls are equal then this type of admissions system will show the negative intentions. My daughter also studies at college. For her admission I could not decided where to admit her. Then through my friends help I got a college help1 web site through which it was a easy and good way to admit my daughter in college where now she study.