Please comment on my essay

[vivek001]

Question :- In most developed countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend.

Answer :- Age of common people ballooing with a fixed rate expecially in industrial countries. Whether, it is an advantatge or a disadvantage is always a matter of debate. I personally believe that it is a positive change. This essay will elobrate on both side of the argument.

First of all, keeping a person alive for long duration through medication should not be considered as a positive change in life expectancy of mankind. An exemplary example of this could be any human being surviving due to medical advancements which were not available in the distant past. Thus, helping someone to breath through medical equipments and live more years is not justifiable for increased life expectancy.

On the other hand, providing suitable environments in terms of hyginic food, pure water and fresh air would be a real achivement for mankind. Moreover, medical advancements and awareness are equally contributing towards this positive change and , indeed helping human being throughout the world to live a lond and disease-free life. It is quite clear that new people around the globe can enjoy their life more than ever before.

To Recapitulate, a life of hundreed years with disease and medicine would be a burden on the government and society. However, a healthy person with desirable persuite of happiness would contribute towards society and will be considered a positive change. Hence, a healthier, joyful and exuberant long life must be the only parameter to consider the increased life expectancy.

[raj2ps]

you can change the intro like below and see whether you have any +ve's.....

Living is a primary essence in this planet and many people are living longer than our ancestors in this new era . This view shares contrasting views where some people argue that living longer make a constructive reflections on society and some think it has destructive reflections.


some thing like this and also

no need to tell them about the i will explain this in my essay etc. ...

[rishi2508]

One of your penfriends is going to emigrate to Australia in a few months. They want to improve their English before they leave and have asked for your advice.

Write a letter to your penfriend and give them advice on how to improve their speaking, listening and vocabulary.

Dear Dev,

Thanks for your letter. I think you have reached the right person to advice you on improving English. As I have done many courses on the language, would be able to help you out. All the three sections which you have mentioned are equally important.

To begin with, vocabulary is the part which cannot be improved overnight. So, my advice to you is to start right away practicing newer words in your routine conversation. If I were you, I would have kept flashcards for different words, to get more familiar to it.

Secondly, listening is what requires a lot of concentration. I would want you to start listening to English news channels on TV and radio. However, to keep things interesting you can also watch some English movies.

Lastly, speaking can only be improved by practicing. My advice to you is to only adopt English language as your communication medium for next few months. You should also listen to your recordings in order to better it.

I strongly feel that the suggestion would be of help. However, for any more advice, just drop me a line.

All the best!

[vivek001]

Hi Dear, here is the line you asked me to drop ----- I never expect such a wonderful feedback, if you haven't posted your letter by mistake ..... Thanks a lot!!

[rishi2508]

What band score would this letter be able to fetch ?

Or any more suggestions to make it better ?

[vivek001]

Hi RIshi, I really don't want to disappoint you by giving rough idea. I am in same situation as you are and still struggling to get a good score. Other users like Flick or someone could help you better in it. Thanks !!

Regards
Vivek

[rishi2508]

Thanks a lot vivek... wishing you all the very best!!!