Pls help me to improve my writing by marking my Essay!

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Raiyan
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Location: China

Pls help me to improve my writing by marking my Essay!

Post by Raiyan »

Some people think that the govt. is wasting money on the arts and that this money could better spent elsewhere.

To what extent do you agree with this view?

Art is related to a nation like a cobweb. History,culture,politics, practice, national future plan all related to the art of a demography. I do agree to the statement to a degree and I will delineate my perspective below.

Art is an identity of a certain group of people.I recommend that history for example artifacts in the museum should be well preserved. As of preserving the art is the sure shot way to depict culture to another nation or to the offspring, art must be kept intact throughout the life of a nation. So, government should leave no stone unturned when it comes to preserving the art. One example, I can draw over here is that ISIS/ISIL is destroying numerous artifacts in middle east and thus eradicating the identity of the people in the middle east. Future generation will not know the history of how people evolved from the primitive age in middle east. I seriously condemn this despicable act.

Now lets talk about the modern society and their progression in technology. Progress and development of human kind almost fully depend on the endeavour on which nation can deploy most sophisticated technology in their daily life.This is because technology helps us to work faster and give us certain output within shortest possible time. For example, if we can invent an antidote for HIV in 2 years instead of 20 years then we will be the nation which will jump 18 years ahead of other nations. So, it is most important to invest in technology. There are also some other fields like administration, agriculture, education, infrastructure etc which are as important as technology to invest in, for the government.

To ingeminate, I would like to say that a government should balance between the spend in art and the spend in other fields. All of the criteria mentioned above are equally important .So, government should spend the money in appropriate fashion to rear the survival of all them.
Heithllen
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Re: Pls help me to improve my writing by marking my Essay!

Post by Heithllen »

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Raiyan
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Re: Pls help me to improve my writing by marking my Essay!

Post by Raiyan »

Refreshed... pls help to evaluate this piece of writing... at your convenience.
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Flick
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Re: Pls help me to improve my writing by marking my Essay!

Post by Flick »

Raiyan wrote:Some people think that the govt. is wasting money on the arts and that this money could better spent elsewhere.

To what extent do you agree with this view?

Art is related to a nation like a cobweb. History, culture, politics, practice, and the national future plan are all related to the art of a demography. I do agree withthe statement that spending money on the arts is a waste, and I will delineate my perspective below.

Art is an identity of a certain group of people. I recommend that history, for example artifacts in the museum, should be well preserved. As of preserving the art is the sure shot way to depict culture to another nation or to the offspring, art must be kept intact throughout the life of a nation.(<--Reword to: "Preserving art is a way to depict the culture of a nation and share this knowledge with other cultures and nations.") So, the government should leave no stone unturned when it comes to preserving art. One example I can draw is that ISIS/ISIL is destroying numerous artifacts in the Middle East and thus eradicating the identity of the people in the Middle East. Future generations will not know the history of how people evolved from the primitive age in that area. I seriously condemn this despicable act.

Now lets talk about modern society and their progression in technology. Progress and development of human kind almost fully depends on how nations deploy the most sophisticated technology in their daily life. This is because technology helps us to work faster and more efficiently. For example, if we can invent an antidote for HIV in 2 years instead of 20 years then we will be the nation which will jump 18 years ahead of other nations. So, it is most important to invest in technology. There are also some other fields like administration, agriculture, education, infrastructure, etc., which are just as important as technology to invest in.

In summary, I would like to say that a government should balance between spening ond art and spending in other fields. All of the criteria mentioned above are equally important. So, the government should spend the money in an appropriate fashion to aid the survival of them all.
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