Ielts, task 1. Can someone correct my essay please? i want to improve my writing skills

[allison]

The first graph provided reveals the different sectors of global water use from 1900 to 2000, while the second table compared the water consumption between Brazil and Congo in 2000.
It is evident that the global water use saw a steadily increase, however, the gap between each sector were getting wider and wider. In 2000, the water use of Agriculture soared to 300km3 which is three times as much as industrial use. And the domestic use of the water climbed slightly from 0km3 to about 400km3 from 1900 to 2000.
According to the table, it can be seen there was a stark contrast, Brazil had the highest amount of water use, meanwhile, having more population and land. It is interesting to note that each individual in Congo consume water were about 45 fold less than Brazil.
Overall, the water consumptions in all sectors increased over a one hundred-year period. The highest was in agriculture followed by industrial and domestic use.

(160words)

[lingxia]

Try

[lingxia]

The graph illustrates the usage of water globally over the 20th century and the table shows how water was used in some areas in Brazil and D.R.C. in 2000.
As can be seen from the graph, the global usage of water increased gradually between 1900 to 2000. In general, agriculture recorded the biggest usage of water compared with industry and domestic sector. Starting at 500 km3 in 1900, the consumption of water for agriculture rose stably consistently , reaching 3000 km3 in 2000 . Although water used in the domestic sector and industrial also increased , the consumption in those areas was minimal until mid-century. After that , the industrial use steadily grew to just over 1000 km3 while domestic use reached to about 300 km3 in 2000.
As described from the table, the consumption of water in Brazil (176 million population) was far higher than that in Congo (5.2 million population) in 2000. Specifically, figures for irrigated use and water consumption per person were 265000 km3 and 359 km3 in Brazil. However, the figures in the same areas in Congo were only 100 km3 and 8 km3 respectively.
Overall, the graph suggests that the use of water was on a stable growth over the 20th century and the table demonstrates that the more populous a nation has, the more water used.


I place my essay here for you review, It is not a model essay though.

[allison]

thank you so much for you help lingxia !!